Friday, June 29, 2012

Thinking...it's what I do.





Today I said to someone that "my life is too valuable to waste even a moment of it." and was told I had the wrong mindset.  Really?  Now this was someone who has their own agenda for how I should be spending my time obviously.  It is somebody who believes they've found the answer to their own troubles and thus that same answer should be applied to my life. They are wrong.  I have known for approximately 5 years now what my purpose is in life.  Coordinating all of that with full time single parenting has been the only glitch.  As my life moves forward with support in that area things are most definitely coming to me to make things align to that purpose.

My life is already damned good, I'm not seeking to change it really, I'm just looking to expand my experience, to  help others learn and grow and to become the person I was meant to be. 

The thing is, it is clear to me that, for the most part, my life is on the right path and has been for a number of years.  Several years ago, when I decided to write my book, choose happiness and purpose, live large and real, love who I love without guilt or condition, things became very obvious.  Over the past few years I have tried many new things, some of which have worked for me, some I've had to let go because they subtracted, rather than added to my life.

Life is all about sorting and sifting and living with a lot of moving on thrown in!

I was also accused of "overthinking."  Now while I get that this is possible, what I was doing was musing about why something wasn't working and trying to find the solution so that I didn't waste my time doing it wrong.  And if I'm doing everything right, and it's not going the way I want, then I would quit of course.  If it isn't having the desired results, why would I continue to waste my time?  That's insane.

 When I do something I want to be the best at it that I can be and that quite frequently includes "thinking."  My personal opinion is, perhaps there is a bigger problem with people "underthinking" these days!

Everybody who truly knows me knows that I am a feeling person.  I live by my heart.  This doesn't mean I don't need to use my brain.  When something feels wrong, I use that organ to think and consider why.  Before quitting, I try to resolve the issues by talking to those who should be able to help, who may have insight and who might be able to offer advice that is concrete, rather than spout sound bites they've heard somewhere that sound profound, but have no real meaning if they don't apply to all paths taken.

My life is too valuable to waste a moment of it.   It's big and exciting and it is with or without people who think their way to live, because it works for them, should be the right way for me.

I am not, nor will I ever be, a kool aid drinker, a sheep, a blind follower.  I will only be led by those who have a certain wisdom, and the qualities of leadership that actually requires some thinking rather than those who are simply following.  And I will always know the difference.

So you can be assured, that if I am involved in something, I truly believe in it.  I must.  I will not do it otherwise!  I did not spend all my time these past 5 years focused on my personal growth to be advised by somebody with a one track mind, instead of an open one.  That would be a fool's journey.

Meanwhile, if my refusal to stop growing and learning bothers some, so be it.  I am who I am, I do not conform and will not conform because I like who I am.  I have watched people lose themselves entirely in their attempts to please the people around them.  I cannot do that.  I am too valuable to me.

Lesson of the day?  I will only learn to be a follower from followers, so I avoid them.  I will learn to be a leader from leaders, I shall seek them.


 Namaste


Thursday, June 21, 2012

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner!



I am immersing myself in romance and love these days as inspiration for my novel which is full of both, and for my speech for my brother's wedding which I am the Master of Ceremonies for.  Can you think of anything more fun?

As part of my research, I just watched, for the 23,345, 765, 234th time, Dirty Dancing.  What a hard life I lead.  I live and die for that ever so quick glimpse of Patrick Swayze's bum! (RIP, I can finally watch it without crying..wait, maybe not...sigh..can't believe how many of our younger celebrities we have lost lately.)

OK, back to happy, upbeat post.   I had a fascinating conversation with a friend of mine about character flaws.  We all have them but as a writer, they're integral to the development of a character into a truly believable person in the story.  My new male character is blessed with a passive-aggressive personality disorder(google that) and his love interested is just a really kind hearted girl in a vulnerable place whose flaws have yet to show themselves.

So after tossing out our own flaws and hashing them over...mine include a tendency to procrastinate, absentmindedness, forgetfulness etc...and hers were being chronically late we figured we should balance it a bit with our greatest fears.

Now turns out I'm not afraid of much.  Once the fear of dying is out of the way there isn't too much that can be tossed at you.  I love speaking in public, love tossing my work out for the world to see so obviously I don't fear rejection, I don't fear the word no as she does and so on.

But nobody is completely fearless and after a few stumbles I found out what my greatest fear is and it's an odd one(are you surprised?)

I am very fearful of being ordinary.  While most people are trying to be like others, fit in (somewhere), be part of something, that's not my thing.  I am incredibly social, but I don't care if I fit in society.  Does that make sense?  As such I can flit between this group and that being entirely free of any of the restraints.  It's kind of fun.  I belong everywhere, and nowhere all at once. 

This doesn't mean I need to be the star of the show, I'm quite happy in the chorus.  I just want to be my own true self and an original, un-ordinary person in the chorus.  Which is odd in and of itself as everybody in the chorus, likely wants to be the star right?

It's just as I go about my day, I deliberately look  for opportunities to express myself, to create something, to be different, to distinguish myself and be free from conformity and constraints.  It's not that I go around causing arguments all the time, in fact that's exactly what one would expect, but no, I go around trying to create peace.  I love to make people smile, and I live to make people laugh, even if it's at my own expense.

While everybody else is sharing memes on Face book, or copying this status or that status, I make sure mine are mine only.  I don't want to be famous, that's not extraordinary.  Lots of people have celebrity for very odd reasons.  That's not it at all.  I just want to be totally and utterly myself.

And the fact is, I live a very ordinary life.   I am a soccer mom, a grandmother, a business owner, a writer.  I have no tattoos, no strange piercings, I'm average looking and I am middle class.  I can't sing, I'm not rich and I'm not special really,  if you think about it.  But a person is not their life right?  A person is who they are.  You are the wonderful person to whom your life happens.  That's right, you get to be who you are in your life and in an effort not to be ordinary, I choose to be all I am all of the time.

Perhaps it's an artist thing, to embrace your oddness and quirkiness.  Maybe I've just grown to accept that I don't think like most people(or most people hide who they really are so they're not connecting with me).

The kicker is though.  That I find every body around me to be incredible no matter how ordinary they perceive themselves to be.  So many people have so many gifts that I admire.  I see no ordinary people.  I do see people not being all they can be in their lives.

I recently wrote the line in my novel,  "Before when I was just smart, I thought it was the world that needed changing, now that I've wised up I realise, I'm the one who has to change."

See, when I look at my life, over time it hasn't changed all that much.  I've always had kids, family, work, writing.  What has changed is me.  I could have gotten sucked into a rut and instead I changed myself.  And I am not nor will I ever be, ordinary.  I reach out and claim my happiness and just that alone makes a person extraordinary in this world of whiners and complainers I think.

What has this to do with Dirty Dancing?   Why everything!  And while this post seems to be about me(and why shouldn't it be? It's my blog), really it's about you.

In the words of Frances Houseman to Johnny Castle, "You..you're everything!"

Ordinary is as ordinary thinks.  Think differently, express all that you are, be all that you are!  You are amazing and extraordinary in your life, always remember that!

Here is my favourite scene from the movie.  Now that is sexy. That is romantic.  THAT is extraordinary!

 


Be extraordinary no matter how ordinary your circumstances!  Carolyn R Parsons






 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Unconditional Love: A Rant

Breeze interpretation:  I'm an arsehole but you should love me anyway because that would make ME happy.



Breeze Interpretation:  I'm such a wonderful person, pick me as a mate and I'll let you remain a jerk.




















These photos both came through my Face Book Feed this morning.(please turn on images if you are reading this on your mobile device)  Aren't they lovely?  They are talking about that wonderful ideal of loving somebody unconditionally and without limitations no matter how difficult and moody they are.  Isn't that wonderful?  It's fantastic right? 

They're saying "You're a big shit head but you get to be in my life anyway because I LOVE you".  And in case you're not getting the sarcasm in this yet let me spell it out for you.  Both of these are utter bullshit.  

Let the rant begin.

Yes I know I go around talking about unconditional love.  And I believe fully in it.  BUT.  Here is the big caveat, the big truth, the big fat honest fact about these two photos with their incredibly deep and noble sentiments(yep still sarcastic).  They are being used to keep people in incredibly unhealthy and unfulfilled relationships. 

Now I'm not saying that anybody is perfect.  Lord help the man who has to put up with my quirkiness and oddness.   I'm spontaneous and absentminded.  I talk too much and I get excited over the tiniest thing.  I'm a bundle of energy and high octane.  I am passionate(ok no complaints about that one) and demanding.  I have high expectations.  I also grumble and complain at times.  I have a huge fear of being ordinary which can be difficult for a person who craves ordinary, to live with.  I know I'm not perfect by a long shot.  But I'm real.  I'm authentic.  I am emotionally healthy. I don't need anyone to love me in spite of all that.  I don't need someone to help me unpack my baggage, I can and have done that myself, thankyouverymuch.  If somebody is with me it's because they want to be there because of my wonderfully quirky ways NOT in spite of them.

 Perhaps some might call that ego but I truly believe that I am a catch, a prize, worthy of respect and love.  I treat myself really really well.  I care about myself.  And I will only have in my life somebody who does the same.  Somebody who believes they are worthy and good and kind.   Someone like that is healthy and has no baggage. They have unpacked it and tucked it away.  They don't need to go around spouting "love me in spite of my damage" because they don't see their experiences as damage, they see them as life and living.  They have no baggage because all the lessons they have learned are positive and they've grown.  They are, for lack of a better word, mature.

How does this look? 

Well, the first goes "I know I treated you like crap, I was an ass and I'm sorry but you must love me and keep me anyway, because if you love me you'll love me for all of my flaws because I'm only human." Whine whine, tantrum over.

The second dynamic goes "I love you and I am treating you with respect.  I am not perfect but I'm a work in progress but I will be honest and kind and compassionate to you even though I've gone through some shit because you are frigging awesome and deserve it and I am frigging awesome and I deserve you."

Do you see the difference? 

We have all been hurt.  We all have a past.  We all regret things we have done or didn't do, we all have things we have been ashamed of.  What a healthy person does is leave it where it belongs, in the past, and what a non healthy person does is suck somebody into the vortex of their misery using the above sort of sentiment as a way of holding a nurturing and caring person into their lives using their best qualities(their compassion and love) as a vice to keep them in place.

The common Modus operandi of this person is the idea that "if you love me you would forgive my disrespect, my anger, my name calling, my passive aggressive behavior, my unhealthy way of living,  my manipulation, my mistreatment of you, because I have a past and your job is to make me happy so you should put up with my crap, forgive my disrespect because that's what you're supposed to do." Again. I call bullshit. 

So.  What about unconditional love?  Yeah, what about it?  Well of course you should love unconditionally, that isn't the point.  It's the staying with/living with/being in a relationship part of the equation I am referring to.  It's perfectly fine to love the arsehole.  But perhaps you shouldn't be in a relationship, marry, have babies, stay with, cohabitate, join finances with this person.  Perhaps you should extricate yourself from any "need" to fix this person and do them a big favor and set them free to fix themselves.  If you have to sacrifice yourself to make them happier then you have this kind of person in your life.  If martrydom is your thing then go for it but martyrs die.  Remember that.  Also remember, it's never to late to leave.  And if you're the arsehole, it's never to late to change.

I love everybody unconditionally but I will only have the good, kind, healthy, baggage free, grown up and mature person in my life.  I will, from a distance, love, care for and support everybody.  I have great understanding and compassion.  In fact, I love people so much that I will not condone their failure to learn and grow from their past.  I will not condone their attempts to draw wonderful people into their dysfunction and I won't be drawn into it either.  All that said, I will not judge their behavior either.  We all are just looking for love and to be happy. Even those who use the above sort of thing to justify and to remain ungrown. (I made that word up by the way).

What I will do is encourage every person to take a look at their own behavior and see if they have baggage to unpack and if so to take the initiative to unpack it themselves.  They should admit their own weaknesses, flaws and mistakes and attempt to deal with them before bringing people into their lives and expecting them to do it.  Support is wonderful.  But that's not doing it for them, that's standing by as they do it themselves.

A strong person of quality will not stay with you to help you fix yourself.  They love you too much for that.  They love themselves too much for that.  It's called enabling and they don't do it.  They will stand by you, stick up for you, be your best friend, be your only ally...but from a distance. 

Watch for the person in your life who throws this sort of thing at you a lot.  These sayings I mean.  If somebody says that they love you and will stay with you and they spend a lot of time forgiving you perhaps you should start looking at ways to improve so they no longer need to be forgiving you.  Perhaps it's time for you to grow up before they realise they're worth more and give up.  If you have fallen into a relationship or  have someone in your life who throws this sort of thing at you or allows you to remain a mess by condoning and accepting and living with your flaws, does that not prohibit you and encourage you NOT to grow and learn and evolve? 

If you have somebody in your life that is dealing with a person who seems to still be dealing with the demons of their past life then you need to stop forgiving and excusing their behavior and start looking to care for yourself and not them.  You may have to extricate yourself from the relationship at least until they're healthy and have grown and become strong and healthy or else you may find yourself sucked into an unhealthy codependent relationship that drains the very essence of all that you are.  I've been in that relationship.  It was worth it.  I learned a lot.  I got 2 beautiful children from it.  And I left because he was too much work and I was worth so much more.  Also remember this.  Like me, you fall into this because you are capable of great love and because you are wonderful.  You will see your way out for the same reasons.

You only go around once people.  Make sure you share your journey with people who value your time even if that person is you and you alone.  You have the power to make yourself healthy and whole but no amount of your misery, sacrifice or love can make another person whole.  That is entirely on them.

Rant over.


Love yourself first..it's all easy after that.  Carolyn R. Parsons
 

 

Friday, June 15, 2012

This and that and some pictures!

With Allen Hawco of Republic of Doyle
Just sitting here drinking my pre-work out drink and playing on Face Book with some friends.  Morning stuff.  It's been a strange but fascinating few months.  Met a bunch of new people, was on the CBC again in a video that is circulating, firmed up my novel writing, did some traveling, wrote some poetry, was invited to be the master of ceremony at my  brother's wedding(thrilled about this) and I've taken my physical transformation to another level working with weights and training my ass off to get to  the body I had ten years ago and it's working because I'm working at it.  Apparently I have good skin and build muscle easily as well.  Let's see if I really can knock the clock back ten years...had somebody guess my age at 35 a few weeks back..sent her to detox immediately.

I feel 20 though so that's even better than looking younger.  As I move through time I really don't feel any older and with my physical body finally getting on par with my mental energy I am ready to take on the world.  I am so physical now and want to always be moving and doing. 

The thing is I FEEL amazing.  Physical health really is the dive board into you the rest of your life.  From a place of complete wellness, anything is possible.  I sleep like a log, wake up happy and rested and from there life unfolds.

I was looking at my little girls yesterday, one is almost 9 and the baby is 6 and they are so grown up now.  It seems like just yesterday I was nursing little babies and doing midnight feedings and going through the exhaustion of that time and place.  It seems, though it was a valid and important segment of my life, and while I enjoyed it while I did it, I am so glad it's behind me.

I spoke with a male friend of mine a couple of days ago, and his kids are the same age and he is very involved in parenting.  He said that the whole baby thing set his life and career back ten years.  That he wouldn't change a thing but that he is aware that to be a good parent you need to give all of that time and sacrifice moving forward in certain areas to be all you have to be for little tiny kids and though the kids are only 5 you lose twice as much time as that because you have to learn to navigate as a person without babies all over.  So for him, having children in his forties, means he is just now at nearly 50 back on track again.

He only now can travel again with his wife, have some fun, be a bit spontaneous in a way you can't be with babies.  I too am finding this to be so.  Luckily for  him he got to have many years of that before he had children. I'm just getting there.  Now my girls are all reasoning people and I can leave and they understand. 

My point?  There isn't one really.  I am past the cross roads.  My kids are bigger and I've recaptured my life again including the body I had before they came along.  I've got the wind in my back and I'm moving forward and upward, flying into my destiny.  Life's always been fun for me.  I don't have the capacity to be unhappy except in moments but my overall attitude is one of blissful joy. 

Well off to the gym I go.  Arms day!  Hope you all enjoy the pictures below from my night in Toronto a few weeks ago.  Cheers.







My beautiful friend Lauren with the talented Barry Canning

Lauren with Mark

With the funniest man on the planet, Mark Critch of This Hour has 22 Minutes

Had a wonderful conversation with Mark O'Brien(Republic of Doyle) and his new fiancee Georgina Rielly(Murdoch Mysteries) about love and weddings.

Helena Joy(Murdoch Mysteries) me and the very sexy Jonathan Goad(Republic of Doyle). 
 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

It's all about SEX!!!

The rose I grew!

Venus; Roman Goddess of Love

Ha!  Bet that title got you reading!  And it's true.  Kind of.

Because it's the Transit of Venus!   Oh yeah!  Tonight, May 5th at 6:15 EDT the planet Venus will pass between the earth and the sun and will be visible!  I am so excited!

Why does this excite me?  Well because, though generally I am excited by cosmic events, Venus is special!

This is the planet named after my favourite Roman Goddess, the Goddess of Love!

I've always had an affinity with her!  She's my favourite Goddess!  We have always had so much in common!  I kind of think I am her.  But cuter.

First of all, we both are in love with love!  We both feel that there is no greater gift, nothing so valuable as love!  We love huge and forever and think that's just the way it's supposed to be.  Love is always a gift.

We also have so much more in common!  First of all,  just like me,  she is magic!  She is considered to have different, more magical powers than the other Gods.  She affects the other Gods and Humans and drives all of them to LOVE.  I too am magic.  Abracadabra!

Then, get this.  Her flower is the rose!  Now not only is my favourite flower the rose, my middle name is Rose.  The only flower I can ever get to bloom is a rose!  They smell amazing and they are beautiful.  The rose above came from a bush that blooms all summer and that's the first rose from it.  I grew that.  For Venus.

She is considered to be passionate with an inexhaustible libido...just like...wait...mom, you still read this blog?     Forget that part.

Venus likes men.  I like men.  She is also known to absorb and temper the  male essence without tampering with his passion.  I can do that!  Sort of a taming the savage beast kind of thing. ( I CAN..really....really....really).

She was born of sea foam...I'm from Newfoundland..it's the SAME thing.

And, get this, her month is April and that's my birth month!  See, this Venus chick and I, we are practically TWINS!

So tonight "our" planet crosses the path of the sun.

It's a fascinating cosmic event that will never occur again in our lifetime.  Well yours, I'm a Goddess so I am immortal of course.

Take the precautions in the link above.  It's much like an eclipse so eyes need to be protected.

I picked this up of a website right after I wrote the above.  Venus was in Pisces when I was born.

Eerily accurate I think.  Link to source.


Venus in Pisces people project themselves as dreamy, soft-hearted partners. Everything about the way they flirt promises a lovely time. Theirs is an elusive charm -- they are sweetly playful, a little moody, and perhaps a little irregular. They appreciate romance and poetry, and they prefer to "feel out" both you and the relationship you share, so don't expect too much planning ahead. Their sensitivity can be a little misleading at times. Yes, they are sensitive folk, but lovers may find it maddening that this sensitivity is not only directed at them, but towards all of mankind.
Venus in Pisces men and women want you to know that their love is unconditional. They are unimpressed by your status, and love and accept you for all that you areinside. They love the underdog and are attracted to wayward folks, or those in need of a little help. With their romantic view of the world, they can be unreasonably attracted to states of suffering and martyrdom, so they easily get into the role of saving someone, or being saved. Unlike Venus in Libra, which thrives on equality, Venus in Pisces is actually turned on by inequality! They can be rather confusing and hard to pin down as they feel their way through their relationships. As much as they may want to, they find it hard to commit. Many do end up committing, however, at least on the surface. 
Pleasing Venus in Pisces involves enjoying tender moments and romantic times with them. You won't always be able to count on them. In fact, you can be sure they will stretch the truth every once in a while. But remember they do this because they fear they might hurt you, and they can't bear to cause you any heartache. Try to understand them, although that's never an easy task considering the fact that they don't always know themselves. And, truth is, some Venus in Pisces privately have a love affair going with the idea of being misunderstood. Try to put up with their apparent lack of direction in the relationship -- they are so receptive and open to all possibilities that it is hard for them to commit to any one thing, idea, or even person. These intriguing partners will reward you with a love that is accepting and comes as close to unconditional as humans can get. 
My Personal Ad Bio: "I will love you for you. I will accept you. Even if the rest of the world thinks you are unlovable, I will see you for what you really are."



Enjoy the transit of me...er Venus.


 

Monday, June 4, 2012

New Novel! Excerpt time!




After a much needed break from the intensity of novel writing, I am back at it with a brand new story set in scenic Bell Island, NL.  I  have not chosen this setting, it chose me.  I am writing the story of Hannah, a housewife/writer.  It is evolving as I type and it's so much fun to see the world she lives in unfold beneath my finger tips.  I'm writing in first person/present tense which makes her feel like me(she's not).  It's a challenge.  She is a writer though.  Yes, I know that's boring but that's what she is.  

Here is an excerpt from the first chapter.  It gives a sense of who she is.  I am excited to write the descriptive part.  Such a beautiful place.  The sex is fun to write too!  

"The fear is physical. It is irrational. It screams “don’t do it”. But I’m drawn by a force in me stronger than fear, curiosity. I have never walked close to that cliff with anyone. It’s not because I’m alone all the time, though I am. It’s because I’ve never been comfortable enough with another person to have them beside me as I near the edge. 
It never, ever subsides, this phobia. It just settles comfortably and I learn to live with it instead of from it. Eventually, when the time is perfect, I do perch at the edge, the dangerous part where I had no intention of sitting. I am accompanied only by my notebook, a pen, my Black Berry and the ever present fear. It is from that spot I do my best writing. And it is from another, similar spot in my psyche that I do my best living"