|Flying; She would make me do this forever!!|
Seems like life is a blur of sunshine and air and clouds and heat and flip flops and then like somebody nudged the thermostat just a little, a sweater is needed, socks and shoes are a better choice and the leaves start crisping into gold and red at the edges and autumn is here. Plunk, like a coin in a juke box has dropped, the music of fall starts to play and it's one of my favourite tunes!
It has been such an interesting time for me this past while. A time of decisions and excitement and joy. I've done a lot of reflecting on how life is going and how I want it to go.
Those who know me know that I meditate in silence to resolve issues, hammer out solutions, make decisions and just to fine my sense of center and self.
I realised that I had slipped just a little out of my groove over the past year or so. Not entirely, certainly not to any real noticeable degree but something had been a bit amiss.
I started to sense that I wasn't quite in alignment anymore. Not on the outside, I'm sure you wouldn't have noticed. But inside something had changed.
I sat on this one day and realised that I wasn't quite the person I was just couple of years ago. I wasn't living my life the way I wanted to completely. I had let outside pressures, expectations take over just a bit much. I had no aspect in my life that I didn't want so much as my priorities hadn't been in order.
My work was overtaking my art. And that is just not who I am.
So I started to reconnect with my writing. I started on a screenplay. I took some time and outlined some novels I've had ready in loose form. I've got no real substance in anything yet but I'm in process. I'm also spending time with artists, not necessarily writers but people who work in the arts because we live essentially the same sort of way, from the heart and creating is our purpose. Actors, painters, musicians all feed my soul and feed my inspiration so that I can create my written work.
What caused it? I don't know, just living I guess. Life is hectic and sometimes it can get away from you. I realised that while I had more things now, they're pointless without following my soul and being who I am, doing what I'm meant to do. I'm not giving them back, particularly my BMW, but they're not what's most important.
I also knocked down some walls, removed some rules, opened my heart back up to all of the amazing people who are out there who own part of it. I had become guarded and that doesn't mesh with the open person I just naturally am. There seems to be a need in others to "warn" me about things. I have a really good sense of my own intuition and a strong ability to handle what doesn't go quite right. Warnings are not necessary for me.
I did mention this to a friend who said to me "You're always happy, how can it be that you're happier?" Perhaps I jumped from happiness to joyful. Perhaps I thought I was happy until I got happier. I don't spend much time in questioning a good feeling, I prefer to spend my time basking in it.
I wish, sometimes that I could just infuse every person I meet with this feeling. This contentment. Don't confuse it for having an easy life or not having problems. It's not that. It's a sense of everything will be alright in spite of them.
Instead, I get up in the morning and make my goal to make the first person I see smile. Then do it again all day long. I can't think of a more noble mission for a day. Can you?
Another person asked me, "How do you know when you're making the right decisions that you're aligned and things are the way they should be?" and I answered, "you know because it feels right in the heart. It's what you would do if there wasn't any influence and you could do what you wanted. And it makes you smile. Use your heart, not your mind." Well that's what I do anyway.
I had a great time playing airplanes and spinning the girls earlier. The photo above is from those moment. Can you imagine doing anything more fun than that? That makes me smile. I posted it here because I thought it might make you smile.
I have healthy kids and my own health. And at a time when my beloved aunt is about to leave this world far too soon, it's very easy to be grateful and happy for that alone.
I wish you joy. Always.