Hi! It's me! The bad penny is back! I have missed you so much! How are you? I still have no computer though a wonderful friend has sent me one to use that I should get any day now...bless her! Mine needs a keyboard which is on back order and I'm just not good at writing at the library but I'm trying!
This library is beautiful, by the way. It's brand new, a renovated motel/inn and it's large, bright and airy and full of life. So I'm happy here..just limited by the hours.
And as I was sitting here working on the website and training for a new business venture I've become involved with I'm trying to feel out how this whole thing fits into my life. A business, writing, a family to raise, a grandson. But money is necessary and I need to work and though I made money writing, it's not lucrative and I need an income that ensures I can continue. Don't worry, I'm not going to use this space for selling products. I will say simply that the venture involves nutritional products that can be used for a variety of purposes including weight loss. I call my business Optimal Life. Because that's always my goal, to live the best possible life I can.
But it does have to do with my own life and health. I tested the products before I stepped into the business side of it. Because, the truth is, I have not dieted for years. This was something I had become quite proud of. I became quite comfortable with my body size and shape and I've never tried to be more than healthy. I enjoy cooking, I enjoy eating and the opinions of others, including(and especially men) as to what constitutes beauty in a woman, were never relevant to me. I liked the way I felt in my body and I loved the full roundness of it, the fluffiness of it. I am so much more than my body and if someone doesn't get that then they're not really going to be part of my circle of friends.
Then my body let me down. I became sick and in order to heal properly I was advised that I would have to lose weight. I scoffed. I fought it. And I didn't really get better. My energy level was low. And it continued..and instead of losing I actually gained weight. I finally got scared and desperate.
So...quite serendipitously..I discovered something that worked for me...and within 2 weeks had me feeling better than I had since last January..perhaps better than I had ever! And so I started working for the company.
I was very excited and then I saw this thing come through face book..and it's of this beautiful French model, Tara Lynn...here is the note.
A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:
"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.
Mermaids do not exist.
But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?
Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.
At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.
We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "
When I read that note I was a bit sad. See I had accepted my body as it was...I was comfortable. I look at the model and think she IS so beautiful and more like my ideal.
So I meditated it on it for a while and I realised something..this note is very close minded. First of all we are not our bodies! We are our selves. The body we are in is simply where we live. Second of all, accepting your body as it is is a GOOD thing...but that doesn't mean that for all women large is best. We are not whales OR unicorns..we are human women..all different inside and out...and if we spend our time worrying about what the outside is like perhaps we will never get to fully emerge on the inside! I am NOT my body.
This note also does not address the very real fact that worrying about what others think of you often makes you decide things that make you unhappy. If someone judges me because I am choosing to get healthy, well...kiss my arse..if you judge me because I'm fat..kiss my fatter arse. I really don't care what you think..I am a valid and important human and I have to live in a body that feels good to me..that is vibrant, healthy and well and I have to be happy in it as does every woman on the planet!
For appearance sake I would never try to become smaller or change my body shape...but for health reasons I will. Because ultimately what I want most from my body is for me to LIVE in it a while longer. I was happy with my larger size...I am happy with my smaller size...but I was above all very UNHAPPY with my sick and tired body.
Self confidence is a love of self..not a love of body. I am a confident woman at any size. I am healthier at this smaller size.
I am not my body..but it's where I have to live and I need it to function and last awhile because I have books to write, children to raise, a business to run and a life to live and enjoy! But my self is a whole nuther thing and I like that thing.
This morning I was walking my usual route and then I veered off into the road where the sidewalk has ended for the past few years. I realised that, now, however the sidewalk is complete, all finished, but out of habit I had stepped off in the same place I usually did to avoid walking through the mud.
It made me think..how often do we follow our old routines, comfortable in our choices, happy where we are only to have things set down differently, new paths, repaired walkways for us that actually improve our walk. How frequently do we just go about our lives out of habit instead of making conscious and mindful decisions about our lives that will improve them.
I told somebody recently that to this point, I had never made a single mistake in my life. They looked at me oddly, for surely everybody has made a mistake. And from a judgemental point of few I'm sure she could list off a few that looked pretty bad. But from where I sit, where the air is fresh, my body works, my friends are plenty and my family is healthy and happy, I've started making an income that ensures I will be able to continue my passion for writing, how could there have ever been any mistakes? If now is great, then everything before now, got me to this wonderful place.
And now is great because I feel it to be so.
It is good to be back blogging. Stay happy. Stay healthy and have some freakin' fun will ya!