Monday, October 31, 2011

Update Time!!!

The best pumpkin in hockey history!  Go Halloween I mean!

Happy Halloween folks!  Yes it is that time of year when we all get to be whoever we want to be and behind hidden masks do things we would never do if our face was showing!  Kind of unfortunate that it's only behind a mask we do this.  What if we all shed all our year-round masks and were ourselves, our true and honest, core behind the mask personal self.  Oh what a scary thought that is.  Even I, who live my life as large and openly as possible don't feel you need to know every.little.thing. about me.  Like my bra size..completely secret except to a special few. 

And I haven't deliberately been absent from my blog.  My computer was broken but it is fixed now, finally.  I had to depend on the library, then a loaner machine for a few weeks and both limited my online time.  But I'm back now!  Thanks for sticking around!

So..what is up with me.  So much.  I have taken so many turns in my life lately that were unexpected, yet wonderful, that I'm reeling from all the changes.  Word of advice.  Don't make plans.  Or, make them but leave them open ended because, well the universe has other plans and the universe is much bigger!

First up I am taking a lot of full body shots of myself.  Yes, my vanity knows no bounds.  But there is a method to my madness because as part of my new business, with ViSalus Science, I've started using the products and I am losing weight and slimming down at a remarkable rate.  I feel full of vitality and energy and promoting these products is easy because they work and I am the proof.  I don't weigh, never have, never really cared about my size, felt at home in my fluffy body but my health said, nope, gotta slim down and quite by accident these products and this business fell into my path and voila..a complete metamorphosis.  Not a sales pitch, I am not a salesperson, but it is obvious to me now that I was malnourished.  Even with my own cooking from scratch, high quality products, I was deficient in so many things.  After just ten days of optimal nutrition on the program my body was performing better and feeling better and the weight is slipping off.  And since I'm an all out kinda gal, I've now joined a gym, hired a trainer and have plans for a trip to Jamaica in April and damned if I'm not wearing a bikini on that beach!!!

I think we all lose sight of the fact that our physical health is the basis for all other.  That we are body, soul and mind and that in order to optimize our walk on this planet we need to be accountable for caring and feeding all three properly.  I think I've finally got the physical down again.  I feel balanced. 

The best part is that I'm back in business.  I spent quite a bit of my time in the corporate world in the media industry and before that a couple of years in finance at a brokerage firm.  I have a business background but my experience there left me jaded and the thought of working for anyone in that capacity made my soul suck back into my gizzard and hide in fear.  Yet, I LOVE negotiating and networking and being in business.  I also love earning money.  And this new business is giving me all of that.  I love using those skills again.  I have solid credentials, I am a good business person, I'm a good leader and a good manager and I'm building a team that I want to make as successful as I'm becoming in this new venture.  It is wonderful.  It is "happy making!" 

BUT.  You know my first love is writing.  And it is not going anywhere.  So, the novel still gets attention daily.  It is a slow process but it's coming along.   But even more interesting news is that I am collaborating with two friends of mine on a play.  One friend wrote the story and myself and the other friend are adapting it for the stage.  It is fun.  We started on Friday and the goal is to finish a script and then perform it.  And yes I will be one of the actors.  I've got a juicy role, a rich socialite snob apparently.  No acting involved, I am that right now...method actor perhaps!  How will this hippie vegetarian pull that off I wonder? Oh well, I have a faux fur to practice in!

  I am a social person by nature and I love the collaborative type of writing.  As much as I can drown myself in the waters of my imagination during a full out novel writing session, this sort of writing is easier for me because it isn't solitary.   I don't have to force myself to do it!  We had so much fun and got a third of the way through an outline of a script for the play!  Can't wait for our next meeting on Friday.

In addition to all of that, I'm participating in a book fair with 4 other authors at a really cool place called Factory 163.  The event is an art Christmas sale and this year some authors are participating together.  I'm very excited.  I'll be there with copies of The Secrets of Rare Moon Tickle.  More details to follow for you local folks who might want to buy some very cool art or fantastic books for those on your Christmas shopping list!

Oh yeah, and I still have those children.  2 are out of the house now and 2 are currently asleep.  Today I also have my beautiful grandson Dante tucked into bed upstairs.  He is spending the day with his Gigi while his mommy and daddy are at work.  What a joy!  And tonight we all don our masks and costumes and head out for candy and treats.  Oh the joy!

But I will be moderate with the treats myself because my body is totally high on nutrition and I'm not bringing it down with junk food.  I like this feeling of being healthy and youthful and vivacious.  It suits me.

Happy Halloween folks.  Wear the masks today but let them slip bit by bit.  It's  better to be hated for being yourself than loved for being somebody you are not! 

Still me in a smaller frame!  Happy Halloween!  Healthy, wealthy and looking for wisdom!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


My brother is getting married.  This is very exciting news.  His fiancee is a wonderful woman and it is thrilling for me to have a new sister.

Today she asked for some help with another wedding she has to make a toast at on the weekend.  Her  friends who are getting married in Vegas, (my personal dream wedding fun!) asked her to speak and so she asked me for help with ideas.

I looked through the Internet for inspiration and found nothing quite suitable for this couple.  Then I remembered a quote by Rumi that I had jotted down a few weeks ago.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi 

This is the  message I sent to her and how I suggested she use the quote...

 What about this...I love this..if you build upon have a couple who have found each other later in life..they've spent a lot of time learning who they each are as individuals..they've probably had some negative experiences in life and in love and disappointments..but here they are together..a couple...close and ready to enjoy the moments..all of the barriers against such a possibility removed and all of the hope for each day together bright and luminous and obvious. It speaks to all who are still searching and all who have thought maybe it's not there for them.

For those who are unfamiliar, Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī , known as Rumi, was a theologian and scholar and poet of the 13th century in Afghanistan. His native language was Persian but his work has been translated into English(among other languages) and is one of my great inspirations.

Since she liked it I sent her my favourite quote of Rumi's and one of my favourite quotes on romantic love of all time and suggested it might work for her own wedding.

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along. 


This has always reflected my knowing that when you meet "the one" you recognise them.  There is no mistaking it.  That it is just there, not someone new but someone who has been  with us always.  There are many kinds of love, most of us will love many people in different ways, but one will stand out as connected in someway to us on a different level.  There is no explanation, no reason, so logic, it just is as it is. Rumi I am a romantic.  While others scoff at it as nonsense, I love the idea, the dream, the possibility and the delight that such romantic love exists. I love knowing it exists.

And in all my life, I've only ever seen proof, that I am right.

Maybe it's time I started working on that novel seriously.   Maybe I'm meant to write loves stories, with twists and turns and heart wrenching impossible and possible love.

Perhaps he said it best when he wrote...

How could you reach the pearl by only looking at the sea? If you seek the pearl, be a diver: the diver needs several qualities: he must trust his rope and his life to the Friend's hand, he must stop breathing, and he must jump. ~Rumi

Never be afraid to jump into love..the pearl is worth the dive.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Riches and Wealth!

A much younger Sophia...she's 8 now and a delight!

I recently embarked upon a new career path.  One that I'm finding to be quite lucrative financially.  It is very rewarding to find a way to make money and help people along the way.  I've never been all that motivated by financial gain but stumbled upon this quite by accident and I'm loving the work and enjoying the rewards!

So now, add entrepreneur to my resume.  Don't worry, I'm still finding time to write.  In fact, I'm finding MORE time to write somehow.  Go figure.

Yes, I'm a busy girl with 3 jobs now..that's right because, the most valuable and most enjoyable job I have is being a mom.  I've got great kids and I have one goal for them.  I want them all to be good, kind and happy people.

Yesterday morning I gave each of my girls  money to buy their milk at school.  Milk is .75 cents.  So they should be good for a couple of days right?

But, somebody told me that Sophia spent all of her milk money yesterday!.  Knowing this, I asked her casually if she had bought milk for her lunch.  She said "yes, but I need more money for tomorrow," kind of trying to get around my question a I prompted further and she admitted that she had bought milk for her and 3 of her friends using the money I gave her and some money of her own.

She looked a little afraid, thinking perhaps this might get her in some trouble.  After all, the money was supposed to last a few days.

I asked her if she realized that this might mean she would have no milk for herself for the rest of the week and she said yes, but her friends didn't have any money and they wanted milk.  So she bought it.  She waited anxiously for my response.

I walked over and gave her a big hug and told her I was very proud of her.  She smiled from ear to ear.  I also told her that she should never be worried about being generous, that if she is generous the rewards will come her way.  Perhaps she wouldn't have milk money for the rest of the week but she for sure would have friends and that's even more important.  She agreed because that's what she was thinking all along.

See, money is just a tool.  It can be a wonderful way of getting the things you want and need for yourself and your family.  But it is also a tool for creating good will and sharing.  I want my children to understand that it is OK to have money, that they are entitled to as much abundance and wealth as this world can provide them but that with it comes the amazing gift of being able to share that with anyone you feel like sharing it with.

If my children become millionaires I will be proud of them.  But I am even more proud I am of my little 8 year old Sophia who spent her entire week's money on her friends.  

She has lucky friends.  And I'm one lucky mom!


Monday, October 10, 2011

This Close

This close to capturing the moon!
This Close

Remember when we were this close to  perfection?
until it all slipped away like a breath or a sigh
 remember how close we were to that promise
recall how we loved and then said good bye?

Remember the sparks that ignited our fire 
my lips can still taste your sweet gentle kisses
 we had only just started before it all ended
in this life that's a series of near hits and near misses?

Remember the moon that we promised each other
in the dark of the night when our lives were still good
why did we not reap from the love that we gathered, 
the roses that bloom, not the thorns that drew blood?

Was it real or a dream or a lie or a promise
or an illusion like time, to be marked and remembered
if it's gone then why is it here at the moment?
So close once again, so present and treasured

The mysteries of life and of love dance in tandem
with the words of the poet, the ghosts of the bard
 just as we danced when we were together
before we were stripped of the final reward

Perhaps this was all a part of the journey
to love as we can in each moment we live
with a lifetime of promises left unspoken
and a lifetime of love still in us to give 


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Living an Optimal Life!

Hi!  It's me!  The bad penny is back!  I have missed you so much!  How are you?  I still have no computer though a wonderful friend has sent me one to use that I should get any day now...bless her!  Mine needs a keyboard which is on back order and I'm just not good at writing at the library but I'm trying!

This library is beautiful, by the way.  It's brand new, a renovated motel/inn and it's large, bright and airy and full of life.  So I'm happy here..just limited by the hours. 

And as I was sitting here working on the website and training for a new business venture I've become involved with I'm trying to feel out how this whole thing fits into my life.  A business, writing, a family to raise, a grandson.  But money is necessary and I need to work and though I made money writing, it's not lucrative and I need an income that ensures I can continue.  Don't worry, I'm not going to use this space for selling products.  I will say simply that the venture involves nutritional products that can be used for a variety of purposes including weight loss. I call my business Optimal Life.  Because that's always my goal, to live the best possible life I can.

But it does have to do with my own life and health.  I tested the products before I stepped into the business side of it.  Because, the truth is, I have not dieted for years.  This was something I had become quite proud of.  I became quite comfortable with my body size and shape and I've never tried to be more than healthy.  I enjoy cooking, I enjoy eating and the opinions of others, including(and especially men) as to what constitutes beauty in a woman, were never relevant to me.  I liked the way I felt in my body and I loved the full roundness of it, the fluffiness of it.  I am so much more than my body and if someone doesn't get that then they're not really going to be part of my circle of friends.

Then my body let me down.  I became sick and in order to heal properly I was advised that I would have to lose weight.  I scoffed.  I fought it.  And I didn't really get better.  My energy level was low.  And it continued..and instead of losing I actually gained weight.  I finally got scared and desperate. 

So...quite serendipitously..I discovered something that worked for me...and within 2 weeks had me feeling better than I had since last January..perhaps better than I had ever!  And so I started working for the company.

I was very excited and then I saw this thing come through face book..and it's of this beautiful French model, Tara is the note.

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

When I read that note I was a bit sad.  See I had accepted my body as it was...I was comfortable.  I look at the model and think she IS so beautiful and more like my ideal. 

So I meditated it on it for a while and I realised something..this note is very close minded.  First of all we are not our bodies!  We are our selves.  The body we are in is simply where we live.  Second of all, accepting your body as it is is a GOOD thing...but that doesn't mean that for all women large is best. We are not whales OR unicorns..we are human women..all different inside and out...and if we spend our time worrying about what the outside is like perhaps we will never get to fully emerge on the inside!  I am NOT my body. 

This note also does not address the very real fact that worrying about what others think of you often makes you decide things that make you unhappy.  If someone judges me because I am choosing to get healthy, well...kiss my arse..if you judge me because I'm fat..kiss my fatter arse.  I really don't care what you think..I am a valid and important human and I have to live in a body that feels good to me..that is vibrant, healthy and well and I have to be happy in it as does every woman on the planet!

For appearance sake I would never try to become smaller or change my body shape...but for health reasons I will.  Because ultimately what I want most from my body is for me to LIVE in it a while longer.  I was happy with my larger size...I am happy with my smaller size...but I was above all very UNHAPPY with my sick and tired body.

Self confidence is a love of self..not a love of body.  I am a confident woman at any size.  I am healthier at this smaller size. 

I am not my body..but it's where I have to live and I need it to function and last awhile because I have books to write, children to raise, a business to run and a life to live and enjoy!  But my self is a whole nuther thing and I like that thing.

This morning I was walking my usual route and then I veered off into the road where the sidewalk has ended for the past few years.  I realised that, now, however the sidewalk is complete, all finished,  but out of habit I had stepped off in the same place I usually did to avoid walking through the mud.

It made me often do we follow our old routines, comfortable in our choices, happy where we are only to have things set down differently, new paths, repaired walkways for us that actually improve our walk.   How frequently do we just go about our lives out of habit instead of making conscious and mindful decisions about our lives that will improve them.

I told somebody recently that to this point, I had never made a single mistake in my life.  They looked at me oddly, for surely everybody has made a mistake.  And from a judgemental point of few I'm sure she could list off a few that looked pretty bad.  But from where I sit, where the air is fresh, my body works, my friends are plenty and my family is healthy and happy, I've started making an income that ensures I will be able to continue my passion for writing, how could there have ever been any mistakes?  If now is great, then everything before now, got me to this wonderful place.

And now is great because I feel it to be so.

It is good to be back blogging.  Stay happy.  Stay healthy and have some freakin' fun will ya!