Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Breeze is in the mood for a rant today!


Magic!



Disclaimer:  This is not my usual post.  If you are at all sensitive to the use of sexual slang or terms this post is not for you.  If you're religious, perhaps you might not like me after this.  Perhaps you don't like me now.  I'm ok with that.  I'm just sayin'.

See it all started with this.

Let me get this straight...Charlie Sheen can make a "porn family", Kelsey Grammer can end a 15 year marriage over the phone, Larry King can be on divorce #9, Britney Spears had a 55 hour marriage, Jesse James and Tiger Woods, while married, were having sex with EVERYONE. Yet, the idea of same-sex marriage is going to destroy the institution of marriage? Really? Re-post if you are proud to support equal rights ♥


This status is going around face book.  And silly me, I commented on it when someone posted the usual drivel about if you let the gays  marry they'll put our pastors in jail and let fathers and daughters go sexxing next and omg 40 year old men will marry their daughters and all the usual slippery slope mash up of fears and bullshit that is spouted by those who think their way is the only way.

In my argument I said that I am female and I am only sexually attracted to men(which is really limiting actually) but if I had been born male and attracted to men or female attracted to female, then I'd  have less rights and that he's only half a chromosome mix from being homosexual himself.  I mentioned also that homosexuality and incest have nothing to do with one another. 

Well..now...the suggestion of the possibility that he was just one Bible verse from the dreaded "gayzitis" lead him to the declaration on face book for all the world to see was, "My sex life is fine, I love pussy! 

Well dude..here's what I'm wondering...Are you actually gettin' any pussy?  Because you seem to have a lot of time on your hands to ick over what other folks are doing in the boudoir department.  I have no time to really care who sleeps with whom, or who they marry or don't.  So I'm thinking, perhaps you need a hobby.  Something manly of course.  Woodworking or hunting..yes..kill helpless animals with a gun perhaps.  That'll up the testosterone.

I live in Canada.  We can marry anyone we choose of consenting age and sexual orientation is irrelevant.  Fight the good fight buddy but you've already lost.(though I will always stand to protect this right if I see it challenged because this battle was too long and too hard fought to be passive about now). 

Oh and I have the right, (some of my heterosexual male friends say the responsibility) to go topless in this country based on sexual equality.  It's the way we roll here in the great white north..and well..I love rolling, and I am not married at all. 

Omgawd, I'm not married!  I'm doomed...smell the brimstone?...that's my seat getting warmed up in the deepest southern shore of Hades.  Did you know that all of us heterosexual non-married sexually active women have a conspiracy to overthrow all the pastors of all the churches on the planet.  We meet the second Tuesday of the month, at 2pm at a Tim Horton's near you. (hate the coffee but love the coconut timbits). Put it on the agenda for your next  pray for the hell bound meeting would ya buddy..because we're gonna get ya..booga booga!  

As to the conspiracy by the gay folks to lock up your pastors and shut down our churches..find me a meeting please.  I want to see if they're free on Tuesdays. 

Dear friend.  I have a feeling your paranoia is a little out of control.  Yes I know you love them(those gays I mean) but you  hate their behaviour...I get that...well guess what...I love you and your behaviour because truth is, you're as valid and have as much right to your opinions(and your pussy) as any of us.  So 'ave at her buddy!

But if you decide you do want a new hobby to keep your mind off the horror of gay sex...how about making bumper stickers?  I have one for you off the top of my head..."I love God and Pussy."  Throw in a little fish for imagery and drive yourself proudly to church on Sunday morning!  I bet you'll get promoted to the office of Head of  All things holy and pussy and divine before the end of Lent.   Yes, I say Giv'er buddy!

And would you toss a few words up to your God for me.  Because I'm pretty sure you love me but not my behaviour too....because....I defend gay rights and gay men are anti-pussy and therefore anti-God and that's just bad.  And gay women are anti men so that's even worse. And I'm not married.  Egad..why is the smoke alarm going off? Oh..brimstone..brb..have to frantically wave a tea towel under the smoke detector now.

OK, back.  So, fact is, I still love you because you make me think and make me reinforce what I believe even if you did say I was foolish and that I couldn't possibly understand because I'm heterosexual(?) and most likely you do spend some of your time doing some good in this world because even those I disagree with are often good folks who do good works.  I love humans.  They're my favourite people. 

Now I really wanna have a porn marriage with Charlie Sheen and be promoted to Goddess.  Oh..wait..off topic..sorry.

Marriage is not an institution, it's a commitment.  Not one to be made lightly no matter what your orientation.  I choose not to enter into an institution, except perhaps rehab for my Charlie Sheen addiction!  And then only if Charlie is there too!   Whether I choose to make any commitment or don't choose to is entirely my decision and you're not having any say as to who my partner will be.  But if it's a girl I bet you wanna watch!*wink*!

You love. Or you don't. Full stop. Leave the behaviour out. Live your own life. Stay out of the rights of others, rights they have in this country and rights they will keep.

And if I want to marry the cat I will because, hey, I like pussy too!







Your life is YOUR life, my life is MY life, live and let live, love and let love!
~Carolyn R. Parsons~



2 comments:

April Lindfors said...

You crack me up. I like you little advice at the bottom......Live and let live, love and let love. :)

slamaina said...

You go girl... you are now a Goddess to me.

Slam