Thursday, February 24, 2011
Remember the entire flying a plane thing that was supposed to happen April 10? Well the date is now April 3 and the odd thing is, while I was on the phone making the appointment with the flight instructor, my friend Alma posted this video! I love it!
And since I LOVE Pink Floyd and coincidentally Alma is flying into Canada tonight and this weekend I am spending it with her and another friend of mine, we've decided that we're going to go to Karaoke and sing Pink Floyd songs!
I can't sing. But I can wine. Which makes me believe I can. So therefore I will sing and not know any better.
And my friends..omg! OK..I think you all know I like to have fun. Well picture three of me. Yep. She's goin' up! It's going to be a blast! We will get loud. We will dance. We may get rowdy. We might need bail...I got your number!
So an Irish woman, a Mexican woman and a Newfoundland woman walk into a karaoke bar...
update on Sunday night!
Just sitting here after being up all night, drinking coffee and working on my novel. I'm writing about judgement now and about someone who is behaving quite "bad."
It got me thinking. It seems that good/bad judgement goes on all around us and is a part of our very existence. I hear parents telling their kids "good job" for just about every movement they make including bodily functions (good pooping? really?). Most of those same parents would never dream of telling their kids something they did was bad though, I mean that would be wrong. But the message is there. I mean if pooping is good then not pooping must be bad right?
I'm obviously being a bit silly here. But in life how often have we judged something as right or wrong, good or bad, flat out without knowing the situation. Because we can never ever know the entire situation even if we are in it because we can't get behind the eyes of another. We find it particularly difficult not to judge though, particularly if the so called "bad" behaviour hurt us personally.
Imagine a man walks up to you tomorrow and says, "I killed my wife." Your immediate horror would throw that behaviour into the "bad" category. But then, if you discovered this woman had come at him with a machete and he had accidentally killed her defending himself..perhaps you would judge a little less harshly. And even if you had the whole story, who are you to judge anyway?
There is a whole lot of grey in all of the decisions people make in life. And people do make decisions that impact their lives, and the lives of others in a seemingly negative way. But that's not about right or wrong. That's about making decisions based on where you are and what you have as a basis of experience and being humans and we all have a different basis. So we are all going to make different decisions.
Because our decisions may appear "right" doesn't mean they are. It means we did the best we could with our own personal given knowledge and emotional base just like anyone else. We are no better, no worse, there is no right or wrong, there is just doing what we can do and know how to do. That is all. Conversely, because our decisions appear "wrong" to others, doesn't make it so either.
The biggest problem with judging right or wrong in others is that you assign to them your personal perspective. This is unfair because they don't have it. Perhaps the person you are judging isn't doing something wrong, but rather doing what feels natural, normal and right to him. And, in the long run that person is the one who has to live the life they've created.
But first, before we can stop using the right and wrong paradigm when dealing with others, we have to do it for ourselves. Perhaps you've made choices in your life that you feel were wrong. Perhaps you are living a life that isn't what you dreamed it would be because of those choices and to further that perhaps you think you are being punished for your "wrong" decisions and that's why life isn't working out your way.
This sort of thought process is probably the single biggest block for people in feeling the sense of worth and validity all humans should feel in their lives. Each of us is worthy of all the good in the world regardless of our behaviour. Because the spirit is good and perfect. There is no right or wrong, no sin, no evil. There is only pure spirit surround by a physical body and mind who is influenced by the environment. Take away the mind and body, there is nothing to judge but pure light.
It is said that the spirit is "that which never changes." Our bodies get older, our lives change, people come and go, the earth is changing, we can change our behaviours and become through growth, that which we wish to become but none of that makes anything good or bad. It is just is the way of it.
This doesn't mean we should just go around hurting people and doing the things that we've been taught are against the rules of respect. It means we allow others to be what they are without judgement and we afford ourselves the same courtesy.
So always remember, you are pure light and energy. And so is your neighbour. That is all you are. That is all they are. You both are unchanging and brilliant. The rest is an illusion. There is no good or bad. There is just perfection and that perfection is you.
This is what I know to be true.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunflower dreams from a beautiful ghost
whisper ~offer the dream of the thing loved the most
Give of the laughter needed today
and a warm loving shoulder for a tired head to lay
Sunflower ghost with a message that's clear
whispers~I am the guide, that's why I am here
follow my lead and you'll know what to do
take my hand, heed my message, I'll carry you through.
Sunflower edict from one you know best
says follow your heart 'til it's time for your rest
I'll not steer you wrong for I love you the most
my message is this said the Sunflower ghost.
I woke up with this poem this morning. The sunflowers are still around me.
This is not really so much an observation as a revelation. Well..perhaps a confirmation. Perhaps I have had too many libations...celebrations...I'm in a silly mood yes.
But this is serious. I realised something. I think I'm a really odd duck.
Tonight I spent time in conversation with my friend online talking about math. We were discussing math in a universal sense, not a book sense and I said I didn't really get math until I got it on my own. When I discovered that math is all universal and real and not something a bunch of weird nerds with nothing better to do came up with. (Then I said which kind of makes me a weird nerd..which of course, is simple mathematics). Then I asked "is life applied to math or is math applied to life?" and my answer was 1+2=3 and 3-2=1...so..yes and yes right? OK it made sense to us and I wasn't smoking funny stuff.
So this was just silly stuff...made up stuff...this is the kind of thing we talk about sometimes. This is odd duck stuff right?
Then a second friend posted on face book a link to a story about how a local woman found a black widow spider in a broccoli. She was all freaked out. She couldn't eat dinner she was so upset about it. And I thought..seriously? I mean how freakin' cool! A black widow in the broccoli! What a great story! And it's just a spider and it didn't bite her! But people are no longer shopping at the store because, omgodz the Black widow was there! Seriously? I'm not big on name calling but...wuss! Spiders are cool. I never kill them(or anything) and I love their webs. Is there anything more beautiful than the web of a spider? With dew drops and silk? A perfect example of a masterpiece by nature's only non human artist. And mathematical as well. I would be awestruck by a black widow in the broccoli!
All this occurred while I was waiting for my bread to bake at 11:42pm. I often bake bread late at night.
Which brings me to the question? Am I really odd? Seriously..there must be others who contemplate these sorts of things and who sees things this way..or if not this way..in a unique, equally different manner?
Others who see spiders as beautiful and mathematics as life and life as mathematics and thinks it's all about love.
I'm a weird nerd aren't I? A really super odd duck. One crack short of plumber butt.
Yep I am really that odd. I might as well face up to it.
If I were wealthy I'd be eccentric. That's a much nicer word. But nope..just odd.
And I have a strong desire to chew tinfoil.
The eensy weensy spider went up the water spout....
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I"m seeing sunflowers. No, I don't have a drug problem. I'm not hallucinating. Cancel the intervention. It's just that In the past week I have seen pictures of sunflowers, actual sunflowers(inside..it's February in Canada), found a package of sunflower seeds, had emails about sunflowers , discovered Michael Jackson loved sunflowers, and it seems, everywhere I look, there they are! It got a little creepy when I started reading a Stephen King book, Bag of Bones, and low and behold, there is an important sunflower reference. I don't know what it means yet, in the book, but it's Stephen King. It means something.
To back up a little, these sort of serendipitous coincidences happen to me a lot. I think of someone and see their first name or something that represents them. But then I know. It makes sense, it's like a reinforcement that my thoughts are representative of my reality. Or something like that. Yes it can be freaky. I do a meditation sometimes when someone else is driving and twice I've looked up to see something that represents whatever I was focused on. That was really wild.
But this sort of random thing kind of has me stumped. So I looked up the meaning of sunflowers. I found adoration and loyalty. That's kind of nice Somebody adores me? That's sweet. I adore somebody? Absolutely. I'm loyal? To a fault. People are loyal to me? I certainly hope so.
Then I found a wonderful website at Angel fire that tells of a water nymph who falls in love with Apollo, the sun God. He rejects her and she is sad. So the other Gods take pity on her and turn her into a sunflower...so now she can follow the sun God forever. Soo romantic....NOT!
Sounds like a punishment to me. Imagine..glued in one spot forever staring at some dude...yikes...I mean I know Apollo is hot(he's the sun God...that was a pun) but seriously...couldn't a cute little water nymph bag her some Aries or some Dionysus(the God of PARTIES!!!) or perhaps Poseidon...God of the Sea..they have water in common after all. Poor nymph. And her name was Clytie..yeah...sound a lot like...anyway...she needs to be free...just sayin'
Of course that does show the loyalty and adoration aspect of the sunflower I guess.
Then the Chinese meaning is longevity. I like this one. Some other characteristics are warmth, nourishment and some negative meanings are haughtiness, false appearances and unhappy love. Great...now I'm just confused again.
So..what does this all mean? Perhaps something important and perhaps nothing. Still I think the frequency of the appearance of sunflowers in this past week is of some sort of symbolic value to me. It feels like a good thing. It feels happy and warm. I feel like something big and good is coming and it's a surprise and I'll know it when I see it. I hope I'm right.
But perhaps it's a reminder that this cold winter will pass and I will be warm again(because I've been freezin' my arse off since December!) and that spring will come soon.
Whatever it is I look forward to it. Bring on the sunflowers!
I was talking with a fellow writer the other day and she asked me what my favourite poem of mine was. Without hesitation I said the following one. This is the first draft version, it required no editing, and I think my heart held my hand as I wrote it. It has as much meaning today as it ever did. I love it. It is the inspiration for my novel of the same name and it carries magic and love and depth and honesty and is as valid today as it was when it was first born. I love the way it comes full circle, in the verse, the idea and its essence. Everyone deserves to be loved this way. And everyone needs to love this way at least once in their lives. And like the poem, everything in life comes full circle as well. Enjoy.
That heart that beats the gentle melody is
the most prized possession I do not own
and it holds me entranced and empowered
I want to cushion it with cotton batting
hold it gentle and prevent it being further crushed
by the cruel hurts that this bitter world showered
That heart that taps its song into my ear
as I lay against it warm and safe
gives me the gift of letting me be all and only me
I want to wrap it with plastic bubble wrap
or fold my hands over this precious gemstone
leaving just enough space so that it still beats free
That heart that whispers I love you
into the silent space between its lulling beats
has made a love so real and strong
I want to enclose it in the soft strong love
that lies within in this heart of mine
so that our hearts play only one sweet song
That heart that pumps the life into the veins
and moves you into the space next to me
that propels you on our journey's start
I want to envelop with gentle sighs
and the whispers of love and forever and destiny
so you know how great my love is for that heart
Monday, February 21, 2011
|Veggie lasagna, Salad and Garlic Bread with Shiraz!|
Some recent health issues have forced me to cut back on quite a few of my activities but what's come out of that is even more time to spend on the things I like to do. Today is a statutory holiday in Ontario called family day! So we had a lovely dinner yesterday at my daughter's house to celebrate, Sunday being a more convenient day for everybody. I made two kinds of lasagna(I'm a damned fine cook in case you didn't know) and brought wine and she provided salad, garlic bread and dessert. I enjoyed a glass of my favourite Shiraz and watched the Heritage Classic Hockey game as the big people chatted and the little girls play with their nephew, my grandson Dante. It was a relaxing day with the work spread over time and divided between everybody.
Not being able to be as active as I like to be has also given rise to more writing time. I'm home more so I write more. I'm also reading more as well. And while it's limiting not to be able to have the energy to do what you want to do. I reached the ten thousand word mark of my novel, a huge milestone and one that makes me very confident I'll be looking at a completed first draft by May.
As my energy returns I'm adding more and more activity but I think some of the things I used to do will have to remain permanently out of my life. And I'm OK with that. Life is full of letting go and starting anew. Learning what's important and what needs to slide by the wayside and become a memory.
As I move forward towards the next big adventure, moving back home to Newfoundland, I find myself slowly releasing and changing my life here as though I'm breaking the ties to this place, one by one and if I hold on to them too long, life breaks them for me.
The only exception to that are the people. I keep them forever. All I love I will always love and that never changes. As I move forward trying to balance the happiness of my family with my own I'm reminded that the heart loves who the heart loves and that distance and time will never change that no matter how far apart people are geographically from each other.
A nun smiled at the couple, her crinkling Catholic eyes unable to disapprove of such tangible love. Giggling at the irony, they left the century-old stone building and walked into a magical world of snowflakes and Christmas lights, holding hands and making plans to find a place to love each other privately. It was all they could claim in the mess they had created for themselves amidst the trappings of real life and the responsibilities they each held. But it would be enough…until…
Saturday, February 19, 2011
So Friday was the full moon. It is thought that people get a little
So my friend was writing a rather
I was feeling
I hope you feel inspired too.
I am the star lit sky's flaming desire
I lie restless in my milky way's boudoir
I hold the heat of a million suns' hot fire
and cannot await my Love's arrival from afar
I dream of Ursa Major for the first dance
then taste the north star's flavour with my lips
I soon dance atop Orion's accurate lance
then make the Phoenix rise with my fingertips
So I pull the archer's bow with tender fingers
I aim the arrow for sweet Virgo chaste
I wrestle Aries while the battle lingers
and win the war while Mars kisses my face
Then I hurry back before the moon gets higher
and full in its celestial bodied lust
I am the starry sky's flaming desire
and it's my lunar lover I am craving most.
|Sunset on Change Islands; Photo credit: Robin Porter|
The sunset was a silk scarf of yellow and orange and scarlet draped across the neck of the horizon. She had watched many such sunsets through this large window in her 66 years. This one awed her as though it were the first. Her shoulders lifted in deep sigh at the magic of the sailor’s delight moment.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Full Moon Dreams
My dream is hidden in the round moon's light
under star-filled skies on this magic night
a dove cries sadly her mourning song
but I resist the urge cry along
The moon is round in the star-filled sky
as I ignore the dove's melancholy cry
A fog hides well that fertile field
and my dream's truth is yet concealed.
The star-filled sky holds that round moon
though its magic dreams fade away too soon
But the round moon's time shall come again
after crescents and quarters wax and wane
But a fertile field grows anyway
and doves mourn little in the light of day
and despite the crying dove's refrain
my dreams will soon come true again
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I am patient but imperfectly so.
I am strength and emotion and joy. I breath the air and appreciate every breath. When I love, I say I love and I never ask for a reply to that statement. I would rather love than be loved.
I am sacrifice without martyrdom. I will die for those I love but I will not live for them only. I believe I count too.
I believe in free will and I will allow you to have your successes without envy and make your mistakes without judgement.
I never give up on people. I give them their space, I allow them their lives but I never say goodbye. I remember those who treat me kindly and reward that kindness. I remember those that treat me less than kind and I am not bothered. I love them all.
I am inattentive and distraction and movement. I am meditation and quiet and silence. I use each of these to balance the other.
I am daydreams and imagination and creation.
I am trust and more trust and once bitten, I'm still not shy. I deal, I don't run. I am bravery and do not hide my head in the sand.
I love the way I love and I love that I don't hate. I rarely even dislike and if I do, it's brief.
I am poetry and music and loves stories and even horror stories. But in the horror, I still find the love.
I am female and in another life I was never a man. I am all pink bubbles and femininity and feminism. I am happy I am that.
I am a contradiction. A pacifist who cheers the fights in hockey. A hockey lover who is glad her girls aren't interested yet because hockey moms have to get up too early.
I am adventure and impulse and sunshine and sand and hula hoops.
I am flowers and trees and people and animals. I am cat more than dog.
I am big cities with the nooks and crannies and skyscrapers.
I am port cities with their ships sailing in and out and their harbours open to the world I long to explore.
I am touch and my fingers have a memory. I am details and the big picture. I live in the big picture and love in the details.
I am the countryside and the mountains and most of all the ocean.
I am depth and I am knowing.
I am spirit
I am human
I am real.
I am magic.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
|photo credit; Tenisha Saunders|
|Photo Credit: Tenisha Saunders|
I have finally written enough to have a clear vision of what this story will be about. Here is a brief synopsis that will likely be perfected over the next few months..but you'll get the idea.
The Secrets of Rare Moon Tickle; That Heart follows the love story of Richard Green and Jenny Gillespie. Richard is running away from home and Jenny is seeking to create one. They seem perfect for each other. Their sparks heat the marshy fields between the cliffs and crags surrounding New Moon Tickle. It seems perfect. It would be perfect. Except for the secrets. The story unfolds amidst the tragedy of those who had loved secretly in those same hills 30 years before. Will their love survive the revealing of the deceits held by the lovers themselves? Will it navigate the truths finally told by their predecessors Dovey LaBoeuf and Clark Green?
You can taste the salt air on your tongue and feel the harsh Atlantic wind against your skin as you are transported to Rare Moon Tickle once more. The sound of the seagull screams and the distant breech of humpbacks will be as real to you as these new characters. Prepare to fall in love all over with the people and the place in The Secrets of Rare Moon Tickle; That Heart.
His left eye was a slightly darker blue than the right. The difference was minuscule but Jenny noticed it right away. She also noticed something else about his eyes. The right eye sparkled and reflected the light naturally and she could see into its depths. The left iris was dull black. It was as though the spark had been extinguished or he’d just closed that door to his soul. Still, they were, without a doubt, the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I hold this ocean in my palm
its deep blue void a mystery
surrounded by its silver sand
its the raindrop of a history
I hold this ocean to my lips
and kiss its icy swells
crystal facets blow a breeze
sailing where my destiny dwells
I hold this ocean to the sun
and marvel at its perfect surface
I close my eyes accepting that
this ocean holds my purpose
I hold this ocean to my heart
loving even its darkest abyss
but now I have to set it free
with one painful goodbye kiss
I hold this ocean to my heart
loving even its darkest abyss
but now I have to set it free
with one painful goodbye kiss
|Tart and Hussy at Bon Jovi Live!|
And so...Toronto got hit again by the tart and the hussy! Yep. Quite the night we had.
It all started on Sunday while I was vacuuming. ( I told you no good can come of housework!) and I thought, I want to go to Bon Jovi in Toronto tomorrow night. And so I decided I would. I ran some errands and came back and posted to my face book that I was looking for a ticket. I was scoffed at. No tickets. Pretty impossible. You'll pay a fortune. I thought, "nope, I'm going."
I didn't need good seats..I just needed a seat. So I went online and there were some available. Most were outrageously expensive but there were two tickets, up high, kind of behind the action for less than fifty bucks! I was thrilled. I want to hear the music, be there, experience it. I love Bon Jovi and word is they're taking extended time off from touring. This was my last chance.
So I ordered, got the email, printed them and there ya go...hello Jon and happy Valentine's Day to me!
Now to find a date! I needed a hussy because, well, hussies are just more fun! Lauren(the hussy) was almost instant in her, "oh yeah!" text back to me.
So yesterday, I had a date with Jon Bon Jovi for Valentine's Day. Just me and Lauren and Jon and thirty thousand or so of our dearest friends. It was amazing!
Being towards the back of the stage has certain perks. There are millions of pictures of Jon's smiling face but not so many of his bum. I watched Bon Jovi bum all night! It's a nice one. I like nice men's bums. Have I ever mentioned that?
The big screens were right in front of us but didn't block our view of the action. There was a huge oval catwalk around the stage and another stage to the back. When he was there he was closest to us.
So they made me scream, a lot. They made me cry more than I most would. Certain Bon Jovi songs transport me to different times and places and make me think of special people. I love that music does that. Sometimes I hate that it does that as well. Music always makes me emotional which isn't difficult. My emotions are always at the surface. It's the way I roll. It's not as though I am an emotional mess all the time. I am just very in tune with them. I see no shame in crying when moved or sad or laughing when happy. I see no reason to not admit love when you feel it. I actually like that about myself and wonder why so many people shy away from their feelings.
Jon Bon Jovi is HOT. At 48 he is more attractive than ever, his energy is endless and his voice did not waver once during the entire performance. And he has to play again tonight. He played up the Valentine's thing and he wore a red shirt for one part of the show which was great because then he matched me! All around the stage in lights were the words Bon Jovi Loves Toronto. I too love Toronto. I only wish they had a NHL hockey team. Sigh.
So in honour of Valentine's Day I took along two copies of my book and looked for people to give them to. I thought, since it's Valentine's day perhaps giving away a love story would be appropriate. So I watched all night and noticed two young women alone...one in the row behind us and one immediately to the left.
Both seemed genuinely thrilled to get a copy and one of them let me take her picture. I didn't think to get her name but she was quite happy.
I'm tired today. But it's a happy and content tired. It was a nice break from every day life and it was BON JOVI! Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My voice hurts even if Jon's is strong and sweet still today.
Here are a few not so great shots taken with my phone. Enjoy!
And of course..a little Musical interlude.
|3 Jon Bon Jovis on the big screens|
|I gave a copy of my book to this young woman..she looks happy!|
|Right below us..the cheap seats were amazing!|