Saturday, December 31, 2011


Watch for my new book of Poetry coming in 2012 entitled "Hope"
Carolyn R. Parsons


Do you still see the brilliant light
inextinguishable and glowing
that rises from within and shines
genuine, rare and knowing?

Is it fair to say you understand
how rare this precious gift is
and treasure it and remember it
and know it will stay with us?

Have you tried to speak the honest words
that linger like a ghost 
and say aloud those sentiments
that your sacred self still hosts?

Have you tallied all the words I wrote
that were printed on the pages
the story recorded in duplicate
and  recorded for the ages?

Are you aware of what is growing
a gift as perfect as the giver
with sincere words flowing easily
like a honest, gentle river

Do you accept hearts are there for following
because they know where you should go?
For, sure as the Phoenix mocks the ashes
you reap precisely what you sow.


Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Ordinary Life

My ordinary life is flash and sparkle
dazzling days and glimmering frosted happy eyes
My ordinary life magnetizes and authorizes
all  lips to smile and hearts to sympathize

My ordinary life  is fashioned  from twinkling stars
and woven in the daylight's misty songs
My ordinary life whispers words of love and passion
and sets about to right a million wrongs

My ordinary life sees miracles and grabs them
and shares them with the passers that go by
My ordinary life shines like an angel's halo
and makes the devil want some wings to try to fly

My ordinary life knows wonder and excitement
and laughter likes to wander in and tarry
so that I wonder if indeed it's true
that this life I claim for me is ordinary

Tried to be ordinary but it didn't suit me so I stopped!
~Carolyn R. Parsons~

lt; <

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Nutcracker!

Two enamored little girls with dancers!

Another two of the dancers from The Nutcacker

Sophia and Martina with their cousin Rachel, a dancer in The Nutcracker!

I'm back!  I know it's been a while but I've returned for one last post of the year aside from some poetry that may find its way to the blog if I get a few moments free!

The Christmas days are behind me and now we are nearly on the eve of a new year!  This was the most wonderful Christmas ever.  It seemed to ease by somehow without the stress that most years bring.   There were surprises and contentment joy and peace and all seemed to come together in perfect measure to create the perfect holiday.  The presents were plentiful, the food amazing and the company splendid.  I did not ask for anything and got more than most with the greatest gift being a healthy and happy family.  Who could ask for more.

And here we are, on the cusp of a new year!   As a believer that any moment is the perfect time to make a resolution, to make a change, I don't particularly believe in the value of January first, yet it is hard not to reflect on the year gone by, on the year to come and to wonder what, if any, changes could be made.

Today I went to the ballet.  The Nutcracker was being performed at a local venue and I took my daughters there.  As an added bonus, my cousin's daughter Rachel was dancing in the performance and it was wonderful to watch her on stage!

This is an old story.  Klara falls asleep and the toys come to life and it could have been done in the very traditional sense but the artistic director put a new spin on the show.  It had a very Canadian content and the set backdrops were actually Group of Seven paintings.  Toy soldiers were Mounties and the animals were beavers and other distinctly Canadian creatures like loons.  It was a wonderful variation and I enjoyed it likely more than the traditional performance.

So if my resolution was to be anything at this point it would be to be prepared to not do things that no longer work!  I would take creative and innovative measures to achieve my goals.  I will not be stuck in a rut and I will actually think through the decisions I make to see if I'm doing the things that I did in the past that carried me to an all too familiar but wrong place.

I intend to apply this to all areas including work, family and relationships.  It is so easy to repeat the same mistakes over and over because the places the mistakes lead to feel familiar and comfortable.  But familiar and comfortable aren't always the best things if they prevent you from getting what you want in life.  If you 're settling for less than you deserve, if you want more, you may have to change the way you approach things.  You may have to shake things up a little to propel yourself forward, to grow, to achieve your dreams! Nothing is impossible.

Also, I'm noticing that as my kids get older(two already out of the house), what wonderful company they are.  When they were little I was limited in what I could do, babies and small children keep you close to home, keep you confined but when they reach an age where you can take them along and they're companions or leave them more then freedom returns and with it the ability to do more.

For example,   I can now travel for a few weeks without them, be more impulsive, be more free.  The baby years are fun but the big kid years are easier and freer!   I loved having babies but I am so enjoying being free of that sort of commitment to home and hearth.  I like working and having money and I like the three trips I have planned between now and March 31 most of all!

I also intend to up the excitement factor!  I'm a bit of a "fun junky" and I cannot stand being bored.  I need to dance more, travel more, socialise more because as much as I like baking and cooking and family life, I'm not really all that domesticated.  Plus I'm very good at doing all of it anyway!!

So, New Years resolution?  Not really because I plan on starting today!  In this very moment!  I've never been good at waiting!

Happy New Year everybody!   And have fun!  Life is not that serious...enjoy!

Dreams only dreamed are wasted and you have the ability to set your life up so that you can live them!


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Tis the Season

Perhaps the Playoffs are my favourite time of the year...

It's the most wonderful time of the year.  Well it kind of is.  Now I don't create the kind of home where it looks like Christmas vomited all over the house.  I'm very moderate.  Some outdoor lights, a tree, a lighted wreath somebody gave me, some candles..that's it.  I  know people with 20 to 30 bins of Christmas decorations.  I have two.

But I do love Christmas.  An occasion to celebrate people and life and love and giving.  Perfect!

And then there is my very favourite part.

The shopping!

Oh the thrill, the excitement of clamoring through the malls, facing the throngs, searching, shopping, finding the perfect present for that hard to shop for person, shopping...I love shopping...

I'm a bold-faced liar.  How far did you get before you checked to see whose blog you were really on?  Because those who know me know how much I hate it.

Malls (another blogger friend used to call them mauls) are my least favourite place on planet earth.  Prison might be worse, but I've not been incarcerated(yet) so I'm going with malls.

I was invited to go cross border shopping in the US.   Once the screaming subsided(mine) I declined. Sure, offer to torture me in two countries why not!

I have many reasons to hate shopping.  First of all, bringing all the stuff into your house makes a mess.  Second of all, as much as I love people, malls seem to bring out the worse in them and even when I go in with the sole intention of making other people happy by smiling and being friendly, I leave with a sense that I've wasted a great deal of time that I could have used doing something more pleasant, like porcupine sitting.

I did hire a cleaning lady...I hate cleaning and I've decided to not do things I hate.  Is there such a thing as a shopping lady?  I need a shopping lady...she could take pictures and bbm them to me and I could say yes or no from the comfort of my exercise ball-chair in my lovely writing space.

Sigh.  The thing is..I love giving thinking of and taking the time to put together the perfect items to make a person smile or remember or just enjoy the moment.  So it's a great big dilemma always.

And I'm not crafty so the romance of making the perfect gift, while appealing, isn't possible.  That would be the ideal of course, creating perfection and gifting it.  No, my loved ones will not be the beneficiaries of special, one of a kind, hand made by Carolyn goodies.  I have nothing of that sort to give.'s off to the I must, clothing, electronics, people, noise, more noise, consumerism, sneezing(I'm allergic to malls..seriously) and I shall enjoy.  And I will wrap while drinking egg nog and rum and listening to Christmas carols.

There is no escaping it.  It must be done.  Santa needs my help and I'll have to go shopping.  I will.  Soon.   There are many many many more shopping days to Christmas...and my calendar says I'm free on the 24th...yep..there..set a reminder and I'll go that day..if nothing comes up.

Sigh..wish I had elves.

; < <



My life is a cake, red velvet and luscious
frosted with joy and sprinkled with lust
devoured with passion, enjoyed with a fervor
and a plan to stay innocent, to continue to trust

My perfect content is the amber of sunset
the russet that finger paints westward skies
this happy is not a badge for the judging
it is simply the sparkle in my joy filled eyes

My dreams have been sculpted by the spirit of others
whose hearts I hold gently and mould with my soul
I potter the clay with the warm kiln of love
and hope adoration is what they behold

Mornings are white like a canvas before me
I brush all the strokes to create the new scenes
vague on the details, bold in the moments
creating whimsical, silly, impossible dreams

This poet finds joy in the words that are written
no anger, no angst, just perfection in prose
the pen writes the  rhymes and the heart taps the rhythm
a song of the ages that my heart somehow knows


Carolyn R. Parsons

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Muse Cruise

Where once we breathed the bitter air
that transfused in us and made us care
now we grasp the tiger's tail
that pulls our life
and cuts our trail

Once life becomes the only goal
we can embrace the gifts we hold
reliance is our saving grace
inside the mirror's reflected face

For we are given but one chance
to curl and weep
or laugh and dance
Thoughts be our biggest enemies
for it likes to steal

Do, don't think
except to learn
follow the heart
it's meant to yearn
my muse ignites my pen tonight
ambition's Phoenix
on an inaugural flight

And I shall be as I am meant
with happiness earned
and a life
well spent

; &lt;

Saturday, November 19, 2011

START the Holidays!

The First Snowfall..I got out of the car to photograph the trees and snapped myself! 

Look at those flakes in the above picture? (yes, including me).  I was driving to St. Mary's, Ontario and the first snow of the season started on my drive.  Traffic was slow as cars carefully navigated the sometimes white-out conditions and potentially slippery route. Hands were white-knuckled on steering wheels and shoulders were shoulders tight with apprehension.  Yes, most of the faces of the other drivers were serious as they crept along the tree lined road to the town.

I, however,  pulled over on to the shoulder.  I then let them all go by with a wave and smile and when the traffic was past, I started to shoot some pictures with my Blackberry.  The snowflakes were large, flying about like bits of tissue paper as the breeze whirled around my face and brushed a chilling rouge on my cheeks.

The sun was shining though, through the flakes, and so,  they were only lasted for a moment before their transformation into a different form occurred and they became, damp memories of their unique and individual selves.

And of course I'm going straight into that analogy.  They transformed after brightening my life for a brief moment.  You know what I'm going to say next don't you?

But I'm going to say it anyway.  We come here, unique and alone, for a brief period of time.  We can choose to trudge through, hands clenched on the wheel, moving forward slowly, passing others in an attempt to get where?  Somewhere more important than where we are?

Perhaps a better choice is to relax, smile, go slowly sometimes, go fast others, stop and enjoy instead of trudging through.  To brighten life for the brief time we're here, the lives of others of course, but mainly to brighten our own lives by seeking those things that make us happy.  By living with autonomy, free of the constraints of others opinions and judgments.  What did people think of me that day?  With my Blackberry, shooting pictures of trees in a storm?  I don't effing know and I don't effing care.  I had FUN!  It brightened my day.  

I wonder, of all the cars out in that first snowfall, enjoyed it.  How many of them said, "wow, look at how that snow is sitting on those trees, like a Rockwell painting come to life" and how many cursed the fact that they didn't yet have their winter tires on.

I'm not saying winter tires aren't important, I'm saying, life and joy,  is  more important.

John Lennon has a wonderful quote about this.

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life." 

The minute I learned to know that happiness is a choice, my whole life changed.  The second I decided to watch the snowflakes instead of worrying about the snowfall, I became happy.   When I made the conscious decision to hold my dreams close and to never lament the fact that they weren't coming true, they all did.

So, it's heading into the season of love and joy.  And shopping.  I hate shopping..but I'll do it, because the fruits of my labours will make everyone a little happier!

And know what made me happier this week?  A box of "The Secrets of Rare Moon Tickle" arrived the same time I was given the release date for my new poetry book, coming out February 1st!  A great Valentine's Day gift!

And I will be selling books at a local art event on December 3, 2011!  See the poster below and come by, buy a signed copy of "The Secrets of Rare Moon Tickle" and say hello!  Hear some entertainment and enjoy some refreshments!  Check out the website START THE HOLIDAYS

And if you're not local, get your copy HERE and those who are back home on Change Islands, NL, my mother still has copies!

Now I'm off to the gym.  This flake is getting healthy and fit!  Have a wonderful day!


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Dark Ocean

The Dark Ocean

The dark ocean 
moves to me
in a tide of emotion
it batters hard at 
this rock that is
purely made of devotion

Propriety makes rules
that are meant to 
be easily broken
snapped like a band
stretched to the limit
by words spoke and unspoken

Life makes arrangements
with details and moments
to be lived and enjoyed
even while the heart
in its feline independence
is otherwise employed

Our feet walk down paths
set before us by teachers and guides
But we blaze our own trail
take our own time
and hitch our own rides

The earth spins in space
and we feel not the
breeze of its turning
but its not quite 
that simple, is the truth
I'm finally learning

I am that rock
that is totally
devoted to you
but perhaps just the dark ocean
 loves big and forever
as I do...


Saturday, November 12, 2011

This Quiet Love

This Quiet Love

This quiet love is wistful
hidden behind a smile that is vibrant
but missing what was
this quiet love sheds tears
for what it knew was not to be
but hoped would for us

This quiet love whispers
to a heart that misses a beat
at the thought of what was lost
this quiet love does not fade
and watches as the counter
tallies up the final cost

This quiet love is stealth
and silent, 
like a mountain meadow
this quiet love is waiting 
for the wind to drop
and the sun to cast a final shadow

This quiet love tastes salty tears
on lips that kissed 
its only one
and does not admit aloud 
that all the quiet love
that was, is not gone

"The fascinating thing about love is not so much that it is miraculous..but that it is at all...enjoy the love you are lucky enough to give and the love you get will take care of itself."

Monday, October 31, 2011

Update Time!!!

The best pumpkin in hockey history!  Go Halloween I mean!

Happy Halloween folks!  Yes it is that time of year when we all get to be whoever we want to be and behind hidden masks do things we would never do if our face was showing!  Kind of unfortunate that it's only behind a mask we do this.  What if we all shed all our year-round masks and were ourselves, our true and honest, core behind the mask personal self.  Oh what a scary thought that is.  Even I, who live my life as large and openly as possible don't feel you need to know every.little.thing. about me.  Like my bra size..completely secret except to a special few. 

And I haven't deliberately been absent from my blog.  My computer was broken but it is fixed now, finally.  I had to depend on the library, then a loaner machine for a few weeks and both limited my online time.  But I'm back now!  Thanks for sticking around!

So..what is up with me.  So much.  I have taken so many turns in my life lately that were unexpected, yet wonderful, that I'm reeling from all the changes.  Word of advice.  Don't make plans.  Or, make them but leave them open ended because, well the universe has other plans and the universe is much bigger!

First up I am taking a lot of full body shots of myself.  Yes, my vanity knows no bounds.  But there is a method to my madness because as part of my new business, with ViSalus Science, I've started using the products and I am losing weight and slimming down at a remarkable rate.  I feel full of vitality and energy and promoting these products is easy because they work and I am the proof.  I don't weigh, never have, never really cared about my size, felt at home in my fluffy body but my health said, nope, gotta slim down and quite by accident these products and this business fell into my path and voila..a complete metamorphosis.  Not a sales pitch, I am not a salesperson, but it is obvious to me now that I was malnourished.  Even with my own cooking from scratch, high quality products, I was deficient in so many things.  After just ten days of optimal nutrition on the program my body was performing better and feeling better and the weight is slipping off.  And since I'm an all out kinda gal, I've now joined a gym, hired a trainer and have plans for a trip to Jamaica in April and damned if I'm not wearing a bikini on that beach!!!

I think we all lose sight of the fact that our physical health is the basis for all other.  That we are body, soul and mind and that in order to optimize our walk on this planet we need to be accountable for caring and feeding all three properly.  I think I've finally got the physical down again.  I feel balanced. 

The best part is that I'm back in business.  I spent quite a bit of my time in the corporate world in the media industry and before that a couple of years in finance at a brokerage firm.  I have a business background but my experience there left me jaded and the thought of working for anyone in that capacity made my soul suck back into my gizzard and hide in fear.  Yet, I LOVE negotiating and networking and being in business.  I also love earning money.  And this new business is giving me all of that.  I love using those skills again.  I have solid credentials, I am a good business person, I'm a good leader and a good manager and I'm building a team that I want to make as successful as I'm becoming in this new venture.  It is wonderful.  It is "happy making!" 

BUT.  You know my first love is writing.  And it is not going anywhere.  So, the novel still gets attention daily.  It is a slow process but it's coming along.   But even more interesting news is that I am collaborating with two friends of mine on a play.  One friend wrote the story and myself and the other friend are adapting it for the stage.  It is fun.  We started on Friday and the goal is to finish a script and then perform it.  And yes I will be one of the actors.  I've got a juicy role, a rich socialite snob apparently.  No acting involved, I am that right now...method actor perhaps!  How will this hippie vegetarian pull that off I wonder? Oh well, I have a faux fur to practice in!

  I am a social person by nature and I love the collaborative type of writing.  As much as I can drown myself in the waters of my imagination during a full out novel writing session, this sort of writing is easier for me because it isn't solitary.   I don't have to force myself to do it!  We had so much fun and got a third of the way through an outline of a script for the play!  Can't wait for our next meeting on Friday.

In addition to all of that, I'm participating in a book fair with 4 other authors at a really cool place called Factory 163.  The event is an art Christmas sale and this year some authors are participating together.  I'm very excited.  I'll be there with copies of The Secrets of Rare Moon Tickle.  More details to follow for you local folks who might want to buy some very cool art or fantastic books for those on your Christmas shopping list!

Oh yeah, and I still have those children.  2 are out of the house now and 2 are currently asleep.  Today I also have my beautiful grandson Dante tucked into bed upstairs.  He is spending the day with his Gigi while his mommy and daddy are at work.  What a joy!  And tonight we all don our masks and costumes and head out for candy and treats.  Oh the joy!

But I will be moderate with the treats myself because my body is totally high on nutrition and I'm not bringing it down with junk food.  I like this feeling of being healthy and youthful and vivacious.  It suits me.

Happy Halloween folks.  Wear the masks today but let them slip bit by bit.  It's  better to be hated for being yourself than loved for being somebody you are not! 

Still me in a smaller frame!  Happy Halloween!  Healthy, wealthy and looking for wisdom!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


My brother is getting married.  This is very exciting news.  His fiancee is a wonderful woman and it is thrilling for me to have a new sister.

Today she asked for some help with another wedding she has to make a toast at on the weekend.  Her  friends who are getting married in Vegas, (my personal dream wedding fun!) asked her to speak and so she asked me for help with ideas.

I looked through the Internet for inspiration and found nothing quite suitable for this couple.  Then I remembered a quote by Rumi that I had jotted down a few weeks ago.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi 

This is the  message I sent to her and how I suggested she use the quote...

 What about this...I love this..if you build upon have a couple who have found each other later in life..they've spent a lot of time learning who they each are as individuals..they've probably had some negative experiences in life and in love and disappointments..but here they are together..a couple...close and ready to enjoy the moments..all of the barriers against such a possibility removed and all of the hope for each day together bright and luminous and obvious. It speaks to all who are still searching and all who have thought maybe it's not there for them.

For those who are unfamiliar, Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī , known as Rumi, was a theologian and scholar and poet of the 13th century in Afghanistan. His native language was Persian but his work has been translated into English(among other languages) and is one of my great inspirations.

Since she liked it I sent her my favourite quote of Rumi's and one of my favourite quotes on romantic love of all time and suggested it might work for her own wedding.

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along. 


This has always reflected my knowing that when you meet "the one" you recognise them.  There is no mistaking it.  That it is just there, not someone new but someone who has been  with us always.  There are many kinds of love, most of us will love many people in different ways, but one will stand out as connected in someway to us on a different level.  There is no explanation, no reason, so logic, it just is as it is. Rumi I am a romantic.  While others scoff at it as nonsense, I love the idea, the dream, the possibility and the delight that such romantic love exists. I love knowing it exists.

And in all my life, I've only ever seen proof, that I am right.

Maybe it's time I started working on that novel seriously.   Maybe I'm meant to write loves stories, with twists and turns and heart wrenching impossible and possible love.

Perhaps he said it best when he wrote...

How could you reach the pearl by only looking at the sea? If you seek the pearl, be a diver: the diver needs several qualities: he must trust his rope and his life to the Friend's hand, he must stop breathing, and he must jump. ~Rumi

Never be afraid to jump into love..the pearl is worth the dive.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Riches and Wealth!

A much younger Sophia...she's 8 now and a delight!

I recently embarked upon a new career path.  One that I'm finding to be quite lucrative financially.  It is very rewarding to find a way to make money and help people along the way.  I've never been all that motivated by financial gain but stumbled upon this quite by accident and I'm loving the work and enjoying the rewards!

So now, add entrepreneur to my resume.  Don't worry, I'm still finding time to write.  In fact, I'm finding MORE time to write somehow.  Go figure.

Yes, I'm a busy girl with 3 jobs now..that's right because, the most valuable and most enjoyable job I have is being a mom.  I've got great kids and I have one goal for them.  I want them all to be good, kind and happy people.

Yesterday morning I gave each of my girls  money to buy their milk at school.  Milk is .75 cents.  So they should be good for a couple of days right?

But, somebody told me that Sophia spent all of her milk money yesterday!.  Knowing this, I asked her casually if she had bought milk for her lunch.  She said "yes, but I need more money for tomorrow," kind of trying to get around my question a I prompted further and she admitted that she had bought milk for her and 3 of her friends using the money I gave her and some money of her own.

She looked a little afraid, thinking perhaps this might get her in some trouble.  After all, the money was supposed to last a few days.

I asked her if she realized that this might mean she would have no milk for herself for the rest of the week and she said yes, but her friends didn't have any money and they wanted milk.  So she bought it.  She waited anxiously for my response.

I walked over and gave her a big hug and told her I was very proud of her.  She smiled from ear to ear.  I also told her that she should never be worried about being generous, that if she is generous the rewards will come her way.  Perhaps she wouldn't have milk money for the rest of the week but she for sure would have friends and that's even more important.  She agreed because that's what she was thinking all along.

See, money is just a tool.  It can be a wonderful way of getting the things you want and need for yourself and your family.  But it is also a tool for creating good will and sharing.  I want my children to understand that it is OK to have money, that they are entitled to as much abundance and wealth as this world can provide them but that with it comes the amazing gift of being able to share that with anyone you feel like sharing it with.

If my children become millionaires I will be proud of them.  But I am even more proud I am of my little 8 year old Sophia who spent her entire week's money on her friends.  

She has lucky friends.  And I'm one lucky mom!


Monday, October 10, 2011

This Close

This close to capturing the moon!
This Close

Remember when we were this close to  perfection?
until it all slipped away like a breath or a sigh
 remember how close we were to that promise
recall how we loved and then said good bye?

Remember the sparks that ignited our fire 
my lips can still taste your sweet gentle kisses
 we had only just started before it all ended
in this life that's a series of near hits and near misses?

Remember the moon that we promised each other
in the dark of the night when our lives were still good
why did we not reap from the love that we gathered, 
the roses that bloom, not the thorns that drew blood?

Was it real or a dream or a lie or a promise
or an illusion like time, to be marked and remembered
if it's gone then why is it here at the moment?
So close once again, so present and treasured

The mysteries of life and of love dance in tandem
with the words of the poet, the ghosts of the bard
 just as we danced when we were together
before we were stripped of the final reward

Perhaps this was all a part of the journey
to love as we can in each moment we live
with a lifetime of promises left unspoken
and a lifetime of love still in us to give 


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Living an Optimal Life!

Hi!  It's me!  The bad penny is back!  I have missed you so much!  How are you?  I still have no computer though a wonderful friend has sent me one to use that I should get any day now...bless her!  Mine needs a keyboard which is on back order and I'm just not good at writing at the library but I'm trying!

This library is beautiful, by the way.  It's brand new, a renovated motel/inn and it's large, bright and airy and full of life.  So I'm happy here..just limited by the hours. 

And as I was sitting here working on the website and training for a new business venture I've become involved with I'm trying to feel out how this whole thing fits into my life.  A business, writing, a family to raise, a grandson.  But money is necessary and I need to work and though I made money writing, it's not lucrative and I need an income that ensures I can continue.  Don't worry, I'm not going to use this space for selling products.  I will say simply that the venture involves nutritional products that can be used for a variety of purposes including weight loss. I call my business Optimal Life.  Because that's always my goal, to live the best possible life I can.

But it does have to do with my own life and health.  I tested the products before I stepped into the business side of it.  Because, the truth is, I have not dieted for years.  This was something I had become quite proud of.  I became quite comfortable with my body size and shape and I've never tried to be more than healthy.  I enjoy cooking, I enjoy eating and the opinions of others, including(and especially men) as to what constitutes beauty in a woman, were never relevant to me.  I liked the way I felt in my body and I loved the full roundness of it, the fluffiness of it.  I am so much more than my body and if someone doesn't get that then they're not really going to be part of my circle of friends.

Then my body let me down.  I became sick and in order to heal properly I was advised that I would have to lose weight.  I scoffed.  I fought it.  And I didn't really get better.  My energy level was low.  And it continued..and instead of losing I actually gained weight.  I finally got scared and desperate. 

So...quite serendipitously..I discovered something that worked for me...and within 2 weeks had me feeling better than I had since last January..perhaps better than I had ever!  And so I started working for the company.

I was very excited and then I saw this thing come through face book..and it's of this beautiful French model, Tara is the note.

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

When I read that note I was a bit sad.  See I had accepted my body as it was...I was comfortable.  I look at the model and think she IS so beautiful and more like my ideal. 

So I meditated it on it for a while and I realised something..this note is very close minded.  First of all we are not our bodies!  We are our selves.  The body we are in is simply where we live.  Second of all, accepting your body as it is is a GOOD thing...but that doesn't mean that for all women large is best. We are not whales OR unicorns..we are human women..all different inside and out...and if we spend our time worrying about what the outside is like perhaps we will never get to fully emerge on the inside!  I am NOT my body. 

This note also does not address the very real fact that worrying about what others think of you often makes you decide things that make you unhappy.  If someone judges me because I am choosing to get healthy, well...kiss my arse..if you judge me because I'm fat..kiss my fatter arse.  I really don't care what you think..I am a valid and important human and I have to live in a body that feels good to me..that is vibrant, healthy and well and I have to be happy in it as does every woman on the planet!

For appearance sake I would never try to become smaller or change my body shape...but for health reasons I will.  Because ultimately what I want most from my body is for me to LIVE in it a while longer.  I was happy with my larger size...I am happy with my smaller size...but I was above all very UNHAPPY with my sick and tired body.

Self confidence is a love of self..not a love of body.  I am a confident woman at any size.  I am healthier at this smaller size. 

I am not my body..but it's where I have to live and I need it to function and last awhile because I have books to write, children to raise, a business to run and a life to live and enjoy!  But my self is a whole nuther thing and I like that thing.

This morning I was walking my usual route and then I veered off into the road where the sidewalk has ended for the past few years.  I realised that, now, however the sidewalk is complete, all finished,  but out of habit I had stepped off in the same place I usually did to avoid walking through the mud.

It made me often do we follow our old routines, comfortable in our choices, happy where we are only to have things set down differently, new paths, repaired walkways for us that actually improve our walk.   How frequently do we just go about our lives out of habit instead of making conscious and mindful decisions about our lives that will improve them.

I told somebody recently that to this point, I had never made a single mistake in my life.  They looked at me oddly, for surely everybody has made a mistake.  And from a judgemental point of few I'm sure she could list off a few that looked pretty bad.  But from where I sit, where the air is fresh, my body works, my friends are plenty and my family is healthy and happy, I've started making an income that ensures I will be able to continue my passion for writing, how could there have ever been any mistakes?  If now is great, then everything before now, got me to this wonderful place.

And now is great because I feel it to be so.

It is good to be back blogging.  Stay happy.  Stay healthy and have some freakin' fun will ya!


Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Message

Sunset on Change Islands.  Photo Credit: Carolyn R Parsons
The Message

Now that I am dead
 I am alive
no body traps me
I do not strive
Now that I am dead
I am set free
no carbon prison
contains me
Now that I am dead
I do not care
if that shell of mine
is dust or air
Now that I am dead
I always soar
and I'll fly free
for evermore
Now that I am dead,
though you may mourn,
you remain harnessed
but I am reborn!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Be the Monarch Butterfly!

This isn't Metropolis but Superman has an interest in the barns here apparantly!

Difficult to get a good picture but there were acres of butterflies.

Did you ever have a day when you felt out of sorts without really knowing why?  When you get up on the wrong side of the bed and just can't seem to make things go your way, or feel good even if they do go your way, not matter  how much you desire to feel better. 

It started out as that kind of day for me.  Everything was fine.  The kids were happily at school, the packing was coming along, the move is underway, everybody is healthy including me, I've been sleeping well and yet...something is not quite right.

Perhaps I was picking up on the energy of someone else in my life who is having a difficult time.  Perhaps the coming full moon is unsettling me in that way.  I'm not sure it does much good to seek a cause because likely this is just a glitch in life, a speed bump.

A friend of mine was telling me of some difficult people in her life and wondering why, if she is such a positive, happy person and as such, would expect to attract only other positive people,,why does she still attract the occasional very negative person in her life.

I told her that my theory is that those people are for practice.  That to be kind and compassionate to a person who is kind and compassionate to you is easy.  And for those who have become a higher vibration, happier person through compassion and empathy and living a joyful life, it does not do them any service to remain complacent, or to never be challenged in that place of good feeling. 

But...this isn't that kind of thing.  Nobody is causing me problems.  I have no difficult people in my life.  No obvious reason for my discontent.  But it was there today, just under the surface, waiting to breech like a whale who must rise to breathe.

I finally gave up and I dropped all the work I was to do and put on my ipod and sneakers and headed out for a walk.  I thought perhaps it would clear the cobwebs and at the very least help me drop the homemade bread and snowball cookies that stuck to my arse in Newfoundland.(They put a moratorium on cod about a moratorium on baked goods..holy squares for breakfast..they have oatmeal..why not? And I'm not known for my willpower!)

So off I went..listening to some pod casts..walk walk walk.  It was a sunny day, dotted by a piece of fluff here and there, infant clouds, playful and new.  I walked past the golf course with my timer set to walk 30 minutes out and 30 minutes back.  I noted the sign on the pole that said "Superior Barn Painting" and it made me smile.  If I had a barn, I'd want superior paint on it!  Who would want a substandard barn?  Aim high in all things including barn paint!  Yes, the wandering person with a wandering mind is easily amused. 

But the discontent had started to fade.  Perhaps because I forgot about it.  Perhaps because a smile from the heart fixes most things.  May it's that I am so enamoured of nature that I touch tree branches simply because they seem to reach out to me, perhaps because birds seem to fly closer than they need to when I'm walking alone on that particular road.  Likely though,  it's just that I am, as we all are, a natural being and being in nature is where we are most at home. 

And so, the 30 minutes ended and I turned back.  Enjoying the other side of the road as much as the first.  It was about half way back that I saw them.  There they were, fluttering and flitting with light and abandon over a field of wild flowers, hundreds and hundreds of white and yellow butterflies! 

The field stretched for many acres and as far as the eye could see they  bounced in their prettily-dressed wings.  All ranging in hue from whitest white to brightest yellow...and I stood and marveled..and took photos and the discontent disappeared like a water droplet in the sun...evaporated, forever gone.

I walked into the field then, and some of them alighted on me as though I were one of the wildflowers they found so fascinating.  Some of them stayed a while on my wrist or my shoulder, not disappointed that I wasn't what they seeked, that I wasn't as beautiful or sweet tasting as one of those pretty blooms. 

Then I saw her.  In that field, amidst all of those butterflies, all different in their own way but some standard shade of light. was one large monarch butterfly in all her orange and black regal glory! 

She was, in that field, not a queen although she was larger than the rest, vibrant, unique, one of a kind, sui generis!  No, instead she seemed out of her element.  She had, accidentally or otherwise, drifted from her own to live in a field of similar, yet different ones.  In spite of that though, she was just as fluttery and happy as the others and did not seem to mind her differences..and those surrounding her seemed unaware and unconcerned as well.

I stayed for a while, attempted to get some pictures, then left them all behind..undisturbed and free.

What does it all mean?  Nothing really.  It was an amazing experience but to assign meaning to it might just be a bit presumptous for this regular girl.

For I am, most of the time, one of the white and yellow butterflies.  And I like it that way for they are truly magnificent and it is good to be one of them.  It is comforting and feels good to be among your own kind, to be cared for and be one of the crowd and to be loved.

But perhaps what I long to be, more often than I care to admit,  is the monarch...certainly not better or more beautiful or lighter in the air than the others, just different, settling among those who are unlike me,  who know different and wondrous things that I can learn from them.  Perhaps because, I don't ever find it important to impart what I know on others...but rather take my greatest joy in learning what I can from those who are different and have so much to teach me, I can relate to her content there in that field.  Either way, nature gave me a gift to unwrap yet again.

Perhaps that is what sets me apart many times,  like the monarch in the field.   I strive to be me, no matter how unusual it appears I am  from the rest of the crowd and I prefer it and I'm happier that way.  That while others concern themselves about what others think of them I want to be the one who doesn't give a flying fig or a rats ass or two bits(insert cliche' of choice here) about what others think.  Perhaps because I embrace that I automatically flutter, not bigger and better and brighter, just differently, from those that are around me.

And while this may seem like a kind of disjointed rambling sort of post, for me it's simply a recounting of the gift nature gave me today.  I am no longer feeling the discontent.  I am, in fact, joyously happy and feel like the world is mine and all its treasures are out there in a basket and I can pick that which I most desire.  And from that basket I pick happiness.  And if I do encounter the occasional speed bump I'll just back up and then ride forward over it as fast as I can!  Generally when I do this I end up airborne....quite like the monarch butterfly!

lt; &lt; &lt;

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Note:  I wrote this just before I left to return to Ontario.  I thought I would post it since it's complete but didn't get posted due to limited internet.  So time warp to two weeks ago...when I was still home.

Bell Island, NL

Bell Island...sea kayaking through here would be fun uh???

It is time.  It is finally time I sat down and updated you all on my busy, crazy, wonderful summer!  I have not had time to sit down and write...though my notebooks are full of ideas and notes for future work.  It has been the most wonderful time.  I have been here, in Newfoundland for most of the summer.

I also have my car.  This is the first time I've ever had my own vehicle on the island and I have put it to great use.  I've driven all over, even the intimidating Streets of downtown St. John's.  Toronto downtown, a piece of cake.  St. John's?  You need a good sense of humour and a bucket of patience in the passenger seat to make it.  But I have.  I've been to the far east at Cape Spear twice and I've been to Change Islands on the north east coast twice.  I am going to Bell Island tomorrow and then back to Change Islands on Monday. 

I love this place. Have I mentioned that?  It's just nicer.  I love the provincial pastimes of complaining about the ferry system and the weather...the lilt of the dialects, the laughter in the voices, the unabashed flirtation of..well just about anybody..the sense of humour, all of it.  It's just different  here.  A good different.  It's home.

The Ontario house hasn't sold yet.  No new house but the plan is still the same.  Find a house.  Find a nice way to supplement my writing and then..write.

I have had a tough time not writing.  Writing for me is like alcohol, well,  for me.  I can do without it but I really prefer not to!  I miss late night writing jags and the thrill of working out a plot hole and just creating my characters lives.   I can only imagine how things will go once I have my quiet writing spot back.  I may disappear completely! 

I have outlined another story and I'm considering a collection of short stories plus a book about Change Islands.  So lots to work on when I settle in.  There will be a book in the spring and of course I do have the poetry book coming out in October!  Watch for it!

Meanwhile watch for my next post...what I did on my summer'll give you some more details on what I did, from Witless Bay to Bell Island, from idyllic starlit Change Islands nights to the Stanley cup parade.  I'll be back soon!


Friday, August 19, 2011

Love Ghost

The Lookout at Tallboy on Change Islands

Love Ghost

This ghost that haunts these cliffs is strong
not a dainty spirit like the northern sun
It doesn't hide in banks of fog
afraid to shine on its beloved one

It flits and dances through the bog
touching leaves and juniper branches
it doesn't jump to scare the wanderer
and eases those who takes their chances

In heated bogs the berry's perfume
is the invisible cloak the love ghost  wears
its scent is a melody from the marshlands
and the bumbles slowdance to its aires

But the spirit of the tallest hilltop
doesn't cling to rock and crag
it travels where its haunting love songs
and heart string music must be played

The message from the hills are cryptic
with riddles of  longing and love and sighs
but the ghost haunts still, a happy spectre
for a ghost's a thing that never dies

Friday, July 29, 2011

Step in Time

The edge of the world, Cape Spear, NL. North America's most easterly point and where the whales gather.

Have you ever seen the movie Mary Poppins?  My kids have a copy and it plays at our house pretty regularly.  They know all the words to all the songs and they keep me very entertained with their own versions of the songs.

My favourite is their rendition of "Step in Time."  For those unfamiliar with the movie, the chimney sweeps and Mary Poppins break into a very rousing dance routine and the lyrics go "Step in time, step in time, never need a reason, never need a rhyme."

It's a big number taking place high upon the roof tops out of sight of the rest of the city. Everybody there is breaking some sort of law or rule. The chimney sweeps are not sweeping, the children are on a roof AND out past their bedtimes and Mary Poppins herself has taken her young charges when she ought not have and to do so defied even the law of gravity!

So to me the song is more than a dance number.  It's about taking time to dance.  Even further, it's about taking time to dance outside of your regular life.  It's about breaking the rules perhaps or at the very least, breaking free from the routines and expectations of the people in your life.  Perhaps taking on a role you're not accustomed to playing in your life.  The role of YOU.

That is what I have done this past week.  I've stepped out of my life.  No reason.  No rhyme.  I left my kids in the very capable hands of their grandparents and had myself a vacation.

Am I stepping in time?  I think I've stepped in something.  Not being completely responsible for the lives of two children or, in fact, really answering to anyone for the past week has given me a chance to think, to breathe, to grow, to write, and most of have fun!

My life has been at my own whim.  Feel like veering off into Petty Harbour for an hour?  Nobody to ask or check with.  Do I want to roam the hills of Cape Spear yet again?  There is nobody to say "but we've already done that."

It has been a step in time.  And in some sense it's been a step out of time.  I've planned for nothing.  It's the wind that is carrying me and my own desired.

I have walked trails I've never walked and taken time to leave those trails much to the chagrin of other hikers.  I have stopped and inhaled the berry-fresh marshlands and danced to the whale-song of humpbacks.

I've screamed in the air when I stepped into a bog and mud squirted two feet high drenching me.  And I laughed into that same air a moment later when I realised what it was!  Again my apologies to fellow hikers on the trail.

All alone?  Not entirely.  I've taken my nieces to listen to music at a coffee shop and I've had wonderful conversations with the guy at the Newfoundland Chocolate Company and curators at museums.  I've seen the Ghosts of Signal Hill and I've spent tons of time with my sister and I've had and will have some more fun with friends coming into the weekend.

It's mostly the fact that I've done what I've wanted to do on my own schedule.  I've been here and there and back again.  I've also written and recorded ideas for poetry and blog posts and even come up with an idea for a new novel.  Yes moving back here is a good idea.

As I was writing this a thought came into my mind.  I was thinking of the "step in time" song and wondering if perhaps I'd "stepped out of time" rather than "into" it. 

But it doesn't matter. None of it does.  The most important thing is I enjoyed.  I danced.  I wrote.  I dreamed.  But most of all I lived.  If I hadn't, I would have died.  Perhaps mere survival is never an option if we're to be truly happy.

Get out there.  Step in time.  You don't need a reason or a rhyme or even a vacation alone.  You just need to live your life to the fullest but if you do get the opportunity to jump outside of it for a while, do so.  Wallow in the freedom of being at your own beck and call without care for any desires but your own.

Two more days of jumping my own rope.  Just me and my notepad and the ocean.  And then I'll go back to my regularly scheduled life.

Here is a link to my little girls' rendition of  Step in Time. for email subscribers.

Embedded for the rest of you.  Well worth a play for the cuteness factor alone.

Live!  Mere survival should never be an option!
Carolyn R Parsons

Monday, July 25, 2011

The Grand Illusion

This grand illusion is their very best friend
it shelters the world from the truth that's within
it covers them with a shroud of deception
so none may discover their heart's imperfection

They created it well, made the perfect decisions
and crafted each act with detail and precision
If the academy voted for movies like these
They'd have statuettes lined up like small silver trees

Sometimes there is just some improvisation
but oft it is planned, a deliberate creation
with each  scripted line upon each written page
they perfects each scene that appears on the stage

The purpose of course would seem their protection
a guise to help ease a heart's new direction
but it's just a feeble attempt to satisfy that heart
so that it may find freedom's brand new start.

Each elicited hatred, a purposeful act
(that they've tried several times to somehow retract)
but with the hope that they now can move on unobstructed
propelled by the play that they've carefully constructed

For their hearts are still chained by the Milky Way
and a love that is magic and determined to stay
though it decided to give up and navigate a course
away from the path it desired the most

It's not working well, though it appears to be perfect
a heart can't be happy if it's not with its soul mate
twins of a love from the beginning of time
are drawn to each other without reason or rhyme

So they act on their stage, perfecting the craft
smiling and talking and quite often they'll laugh
everyone applauds as the curtain comes down
and it'll be worth every effort if peace can be found

lt; &lt;