Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I Am.

I feel like I have to write a blog post today.  I've been such a slacker lately. And now, today, I finally have a moment to write here and all of the ideas and thoughts and potential posts I have intended to write all week...gone..poof...just like that, I'm blank.

I don't keep notes.  I generally find that the good ideas come back to me and the ones that don't, well, they probably aren't that great.

Once again I fell into my old habits.  I started to doubt.  I thought maybe I should start writing more things down.  I felt frustrated by the lack of ideas.  So I took a moment to breathe, to think and that feeling didn't last for long.  Lucky for me, I'm not much of a wallow-er.  Instead I took some time to think quietly about things.  See if there were reasons why I couldn't create, couldn't remember and it didn't take long to figure it out.

Certainly life has been crazy this month.  I was so ready to get back to work on the new book, printed the manuscript, needed to live with it again for a awhile and with the start of school I thought for sure I'd have time.

But September has not been peaceful.  One daughter sick, then a second one.  A third daughter not adjusting well to early nights and early mornings and then of course, the chaos of just being a large family with only me at home to shuffle everyone everywhere they need to go.  A grandson to spend time with.

But now,  here I sit in an empty house.  Well, there are two dogs, mine and my daughter's friend's boxer puppy(oh yeah, I have a boy living here now, trouble at home, needed a place, brought his dog.) so not entirely alone but it's quieter than usual.  Nothing comes.  No muse, no inspiration, just silence.

Not even a poem in my brain, not a thought on demons and angels(new book), nothing but rain splatters against the window and a great cup of coffee made from some excellent west Africa beans and Red, my precious laptop. 

And now I'm thinking that's not a bad thing.

In the hectic moments, in chaos we are forced by circumstance to stand in the moment and be present.  To do what needs to be done.  In the quiet moments we often drift into thinking of all that we should be doing, worrying about the expectations and responsibilities of the next.

So I end up with this go nowhere post.  So what?  I know the rest will get done.  I know I'll write a blog post here one day that will blow your socks off.  But for now, this is exactly what I'm supposed to write.

We get so caught up in what we ought to be doing we forget to just be at peace with where we are.  I am so relaxed in this moment, so content, so exactly where I am supposed to be and I'm giving it my full attention just as I am forced to give my full attention to the hectic moments. 

Everyone understands about good moments and bad moments.  I am thinking perhaps we need a few indifferent ones too, to recharge, to regroup and strengthen our spirit, like laying on the floor prone after a workout.  It's usually the best part.

So I'm off to enjoy my coffee and my silence.  I hope you enjoy your day.

Namaste
 




7 comments:

Not a soccer mom said...

I have been in that place. The place you describe. And I actually like that place. In moderation.

Enjoy your moment and then I hope you get back on track. That coffee sounds wonderful.

Breeze said...

Thank you. And I guess I am on track. This is part of the line I'm moving along. The coffee is amazing!

Breeze

Audrey said...

Breeze, I think that this is one of my favorite posts that you have written! You so eloquently express what we all feel from time to time. I love it, and I love that you are having such a serene morning. Enjoy, my friend.
xoxoxo

Leslie said...

This is where I am at this moment too, Breeze. You have articulately expressed it. It has become clear to me just prior to reading your well-timed post. I can guess that my Venn Diagram of Experience overlaps yours in being cognizant of 'just this moment' and what it contains. Allowing the moment and accepting it for what it is helps me to take the unnecessary pressure off. I'm glad you went with the awareness and wrote this. It resonates with me powerfully today. I send you my best wishes.

Lia Mack said...

Brilliant! Most of the time I feel as though the lifestyle of today doesn't allow for - time or acceptance of - do nothing, feel nothing, be nothing moments. But it's often in those moments that we get to feel something new and unexpected, like a part of us that's been forcefully put to sleep to keep up with our hectic life.

Loved your post. Perfect for a rainy day.

Lia Mack said...

Brilliant! Most of the time I feel that the lifestyle of today doesn't allow for - in time and acceptance of - feel nothing, do nothing, be nothing moments such as these. But it is in these moments that we get to experience something unique, like a part of ourselves that has been put to sleep in order to survive in our world.

Loved your post. Perfect for a rainy day.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Thank you for this WONDERFUL reminder, dear Breeze!!! It is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today!!! Fantastic post, despite all you say to the contrary :-)) ~Janine XO