Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Things have been so hectic but now...finally...it's breathing time. It hasn't necessarily been stressful, happy things have kept me busy however today I have nothing(except going to the farm and buying eggs) on the agenda. It's a great day to putter around, tidy the house, put away some laundry, listen to my iPod, read my manuscript and red pen some stuff and perhaps even write a poem.
It gets even better. Tomorrow all three of the children will be in school and the entire day is mine. I will go to the gym, shower and write because today everything else will have been done.
In looking back on the last few weeks of craziness I wonder how I gained the tools necessary to not melt down. Twice I had a mini-meltdown in all the craziness and excitement. One was the day of my book launch when my husband said he needed to go out somewhere and I needed him to do something else and he quickly revised and said he could take the kids. Phew! The second was when I took the wrong exit going into Toronto and had to drive along Lakeshore Blvd instead of my chosen route. But luckily there was no construction and I found my way to my destination easily and enjoyed the evening immensely.
Otherwise I have found myself very level and emotionally strong and able to avoid the stress. I was talking to someone after my radio interview and they said "you don't sound nervous" and I actually wasn't. It never dawned on me that I should be.
I wonder if this is part of the wonder of following your passion and dreams. I mean I feel the emotions but I can talk myself down and now I'm at the point where I don't get as high to begin with. I don't panic.
When planning and following through on the book launch reception I refused to think ahead to the actual party. I knew it would be a success one way or another. There was so much support and I could feel it. I didn't worry about how many people would come and was grateful that so many did, particularly those who had to travel far and those who aren't particularly poetry fans.
So I get to breathe and reflect. I am also working on a new super-secret project that has me very excited. It's hard to stress about happiness.
Now, today as I putter around, cleaning my house(and the earthquake in Haiti and Chili increases my gratitude that I have one to clean), playing with the little one, walking the dog and listening to the wisdom of Dr. Wayne Dyer on my iPod I know that this too, this boring, day to day stuff is as valid as the fun, dream-making stuff.
And I am grateful.
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