Monday, August 31, 2009

Just Some Updates!

Life is busy these days but things are about to change. A week from tomorrow my little girls go off to school. The older ones go on Tuesday of next week and the littlest starts on Friday, attending every other day.

I've got a poetry book being released at the end of September. That's exciting. It seems like I'm sitting in limbo over that, awaiting the photos, so there's nothing I can do and at times I forget but it's a really big deal to release a book.

The television thing is up and running but I've found it's taking more time than I've expected so I'm concentrating on the reporting only and dropping the camera work because it just takes too long and I need to use my time for writing as well as working. This is a hobby, a fun one but the camera stresses me out and that does not make it fun. I'm sure I'll find a buddy who will be happy to learn the camera part of this endeavor. I did my first interviews and I'm pleased and I really enjoyed them. I love meeting people and helping them with their causes.

I'm not used to being this busy outside of the house and I'm trying to step back a little. This is the last week of summer and it's been a bust as far as vacation. We've done nothing really. One trip to the beach. I think another, surprise trip is in order soon, just watching the weather and looking for the hottest day. Yesterday felt like fall and was not a beach day at all.

So now comes the time for me to make my big decisions. Should I take a part time job? Should I work solely on getting my Heritage Makers business off the ground? This is what I now have to decide. I've also considered my post partum doula training that I've put off for a while. That might be a good way to get back and give back. I'm also a certified Childbirth Educator and I'm thinking I might offer classes again for that.

So the future looms cloudy and confused and clear and bright all at once. The road forks in many directions and while Robert Frost recommends the road not taken, perhaps the alternative route might be to take them all!

Suggestions welcome!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Sunday Sonnet

Home Birth

Awake, aware, amazed; eyes wide with awe
he slipped into the hands of love so smooth
no screaming team to terrorize and maul
just loving arms to nourish hold and sooth

Surrounded by a cloak of nature's heat
no artificial lights to blind and baffle
love flowed over brow wrinkled and sweet
as heated caramel flowing on the apple

The hands that held him first were his mother's
her gentle voice the one that beckoned him to grow
he bypassed all the terror of the others
the epoch of his life gentle and slow

Emerging from the womb his life commenced
with gentleness and peace and common sense

Here is April's sonnet over at A Muse In Me! See how we were in sync this week!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Thursday, August 27, 2009

What is it with the Doors?

The Doors. You know the band, the music, the Doors, they are haunting me. Seriously. A while ago, everywhere I went I met people with my first name. My name isn't particularly common though it's familiar(y'all know Breeze isn't my real name right? It's my nature-name my 6 year old gave me, we all have them, I'm Breeze, Hubby is Ocean, Oldest daughter is Storm, Second Daughter is sunshine, Third daughter is Lady Bug and the littlest one is Rose Petal~cute uh?)

But I digress. So anyway for about a month everywhere I turned there were people with my name. It got a little freaky. I think it was a sign that it was "my" time, the year I was to claim back some things for me...and I did and I will continue to do so.

Now though, I'm haunted by the Doors. It started when my second oldest daughter(aka Sunshine) met a boy. She was very excited about this really nice looking boy she met. A drummer in a band. Mommy was teasing her about it. Then she told me his name. James Morrison. I laughed and said "guess his parents were fans of the Doors" to which I recieved a completely blank stare. So I name a few songs and she goes "oh yeah, I know now".

So later that day I'm going on You Tube and on the first page, a video, by a young man named James Morrison. A different James Morrison. I call Sunshine out of her room and point out the video. We laughed at the coincidence. She decided her James Morrison was cuter. I disagree.

And since then it continues.How often do they play the Doors on the radio these days? Because I'm hearing it quite often. A lot of Come on Baby Light My Fire and Love Me Two Times and even some Riders on the Storm(my personal favourite).

Then Cam at Journey Wildly stops by to leave me a message after my last poem, Hot to the Touch. It said "Don't know your taste in music, Breeze, but that makes me think of The Doors. I can just hear Ray playing that one..."...actually, so could I now that I think of it.

Then a few moments ago after reading this and giving my head a shake at yet another "Doors" reference I go through the blog and find this poem< and a comment underneath from Double Dolphin(like the new picture DD).
I will never be untrue

Do anything you would want me to
Never stay out drinking
no later than two
(two thirty...)
I will never treat you mean
and I won't cause no kind of scene
Tell you all the people
all the places I have been
I will always treat you kind
try to give you peace of mind
Only you tell me that you love me
one more time"

The Doors

Ok...freaky deaky! So it is simply coicidence right? In the dictionary coincidence is defined as

1. The state or fact of occupying the same relative position or area in space.
2. A sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged.

In math coincidence has a different meaning. Two lines that coincide are basically the same line. One on top of the other. They have the same slope and the same y-intercept.

What this means then is that either 1. I'm possessed by the Doors(I've put on weight, I'm pretty sure there's enough room except I think they are all alive still except Morrison) 2. the universe is trying to drive me mad, a huge waste of time, or 3. The universe is trying to tell me to let people know that I am not as sucky at math as I've always pretended. I just hated it a lot.

Or I'm supposed to just watch for metaphorical doors that will be opening for me. I like that one best of course. But I always do that so why the sudden reminder?

Maybe though, just maybe, I was supposed to do some googling and find this gem.

People need Connectors
Writers, heroes, stars, leaders
To give life form.
A child's sand boat facing
the sun.
Plastic soldiers in the miniature
dirt war. Forts.
Garage Rocket Ships

Ceremonies, theatre, dances
To reassert Tribal needs & memories
a call to worship, uniting
above all, a reversion,
a longing for family & the
safety magic of childhood

~Jim Morrison~

Thanks for the gift...people also need "Doors".

UPDATE: And this morning after posting this I pop in to read some blogs...check out the second Post of the Day. Ok..different kind of doors but it really is getting strange.

Come on Baby Light My Fire!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Hot to the Touch

Embrace most welcome, never forbidden
I dream of the smile that twinkles unbidden
Hot to the touch, your love burns like a fire
fill with pure heat and burning desire

Like a cinder left to smoulder to warm up the dawn
sparks lie beneath the reliable calm
Hot to the touch, yet unexpectedly sweet
hand that I stroke holds mine as we sleep

Day undisturbed by the patter of surpise
peeking ahead to the gift of the sunrise
hot to the touch like the first solar ray
heart beginning anew like the gift of the day

Just a dusting of humour both familiar and new
keeps me loving and needing all that is you
Smile that brightens blue eyes that hold mysteries
still hot to the touch because of our histories

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Monday, August 24, 2009

Navigating Through Life With a Great Crew!

My husband Kent helping Martina navigate the rocky shores of Change Islands

I woke up this morning to a "rejection" for an article. It's OK, it's under review elsewhere and I think it's more suited to that place anyway and I don't really pay attention to rejections anymore. You don't want my stuff, someone else will.

Then I received good news! A poem I wrote a while back was accepted into a Michael Jackson Memorial Anthology that is due for publication on October 31st! I'm excited about that, poetry is my first love and I'd rather publish one poem that came from the wind and the mist and my heart than a zillion articles. Articles are mind stuff. Poetry is pure inspiration. I find it ironic that this happens the day the news comes that it's official that Michael Jackson's death was a homicide. I also find it sad.

Lately things have been crazy hectic, busy for me. It's amazing how many things, how many people are coming into my life, wonderful, artistic, smart, good people, all with gifts to give and lessons to teach. Some of them are online but in real life I'm equally blessed lately.

The television gig is in full swing. I've got calls into people to set up shoots and interviews. I'm a bit nervous but mostly excited! I pitched my first story idea to the producer and she liked it so I'm working on two stories and I'm excited about both of them.

Odd things are happening as well. One lady I contacted sent me a message back and said that she'd heard my name mentioned several times this week and then she opened her email and there I was requesting an interview from her. Apparently people are talking about me. I'm still mulling that over in my mind, letting it register, that putting yourself out there, particularly in something that is as public as television, means you are being watched. And I'm very curious as to what they are saying but I won't be asking, after all, what people think of me really isn't any of my business is it?

The most exciting thing though for me is all of the positive feedback I'm getting from people here and my friends on Face book, many of whom are from my home town back in Newfoundland. If you aren't familiar with Newfoundland, you need to know that people there are the salt of the earth, the very best kind of people the world has to offer. I received so many emails and messages today of congratulations from people back home that expressed genuine happiness for my little poetry success. I know they mean it. Everybody offered such support that it was the highlight of my day answering them all tonight.

This is a good day. Not because I've had some success with my writing but because I've been reminded once again of the success I've had with the people in my life. I always expect to meet wonderful, kind and supportive people and it always happens. Maybe it's easy for me though, because I grew up in a place where that is how life was lived. So the good people come to me. It reinforces for me that a person's expectations are generally met and mine are often exceeded in the support and love I receive from my friends and family in real life and here online! It is these people who help me navigate the rocky shores of life and hold me up when things under my feet are a little unsteady.

Thank you everybody.

I am humbled by your greatness.

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Infinite Music

Here it is, the Sunday Sonnet! This was a tough one, I kept picturing the Michael Jackson Thriller I simply went with this one is for the Thriller be a part of the Sunday Sonnet simply visit April at A Muse in Me for the first line each week and to read her beautiful sonnet.

Infinite Music
I never want to see you zombified
or as ancient redwoods lying petrified
the energy of ancient rhythms breath
a song of life and whispers please believe.
From your fingertips the melody flows
history's harmony whispers in the meadows
no resurrection of the carbon sort
to play and dance or otherwise consort

Whispy winds of hope dance in your stead
while love is the direction you are lead
pure spirit white with cool and silent power
greeted you when you reached your final hour
The light defeats the dark when terrified
and I know you never will be zombiefied!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Way

How deep they run, these soul saving echos
vessels mined empty of independent gold thoughts
desperation voids quickly its waste-laden vessels
into an ocean of unfinished oughts

Dogma knocks loudly, testing the waters
with shake of the head and a smile of pure peace
knowledge of truth requires no fathers
the spirit encourages ego's release

The waters are still in the lakes of the prophet
simple the words, profound the great truth
the roof of the church bears tissue-paper soffits
just one breath of nature will flatten its roof

The virtues are posted on the door of a shrine
while the silent prophet whispers "this voice is mine".

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Get Uncomfortable! It'll Make you Happy!

I had a meeting at the television studio this morning that I'd forgotten about. I rushed out of here and got there just as it was starting. This meant that I hadn't eaten and didn't really have enough coffee. By the time I left the meeting I was fairly hungry but I needed to get home as well, because the unexpected meeting meant my children didn't know that I would be gone and I needed to get back to pick them up.

So there I was, hungry and uncomfortable. As I drove through town I was tempted to stop at a drive-thru and grab a muffin or something else to stave of the pangs but instead I made the decision to drive home, about 15 minutes, and eat food that was already waiting for me. Healthy food. In doing so I saved a few dollars and ate a healthier lunch.

As I was driving home it dawned on me that we make a whole lot of decisions based upon our inability or unwillingness to experience a little discomfort in our bodies, in our minds and also emotional discomfort. It's often that discomfort that prevents us from moving forward in our lives, staying where we are at, hanging on to behaviours that do not serve us well because we are afraid to feel discomfort.

Now I'm not talking about extreme pain. Certainly no one should live with agony. No one should have to tolerate extreme discomfort to the point that it affects their quality of life. What I'm talking about are just the smaller discomforts, the ones that cause us to make day to day decisions that are easier in the moment but better for us to take a moment and think longer term.

We are a society that pops a pill for every little ache now. I recently had a cold. I took exactly nothing. I drank extra orange juice because it appealed to me. I didn't take pharmaceutical remedies and I didn't take herbal remedies. I was uncomfortable for several days but on day 5 the cold was gone leaving only a tickly cough. I had a few meetings where coughing could have been disruptive so I popped cough drops for that, something soothing rather than healing. I slept more and drank more fluids and that was it.

It is this inability to be uncomfortable that causes us to pop a pill or look for a remedy for every tickle at the back of our throats, every sad moment, every sneeze, every congestion, every fever, every physical ailment. I would never suggest that anyone sit in the depths of clinical depression without treatment. I would suggest that it is OK to experience normal pain and grief and emotion without pharmaceutical assistance. I believe it's important to go through the stages of grief and negative emotion such as sadness, anger, guilt, and to not mask them with pills or drugs, prescription or illegal. It's important to experience the discomfort in order to allow our bodies to heal and recover from life's knocks.

It is the unwillingness we have as a society to be uncomfortable that causes us to over eat or to eat the food in front of us even if it's not healthy simply because we can't wait in discomfort for healthier choices. We don't get the exercise our bodies need because of the discomfort of exertion or of the judgement of our bodies by others. We don't do the things we should do to make ourselves whole and well because we choose the comfort of what we know!

Inertia often sets in when people become afraid of being uncomfortable. Today while I was at the meeting, another volunteer mentioned that she had read my blog and enjoyed it. She asked if I did any "Speaking" and I immediately felt uncomfortable. I have considered public speaking. I don't mind speaking at wedding and events that are less formal but to speak from the heart on topics such as those I write about here is a bit outside of my comfort zone. But then I thought, "wait, I'm going to be on television. I'm already quite outside my box doing even that and while I'm a bit nervous, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be OK with that". It's excited nerves and it's a positive feeling. So yeah, tucked away in the back of my mind is the likelihood that I will do public speaking at some point. Not yet, but I will someday.

So I suggest we all look around at our lives. Is there some way we're covering up a slight discomfort with something that is holding us back. Is there a phone call you should make that you know will be for the greater good but you hesitate to do so because doing it might make you nervous. Is there a job you want? Do you want to go to school? Do you want to change careers? Join a gym?

It's like exercise. When I first started Dragon Boating I would be so sore after a practice, it was very painful. For two days after Monday night practice, I'd feel muscle aches everywhere. Now, I don't feel a twinge, nothing. I practiced Monday, this is Wednesday, not a single muscle ache. I've adjusted, I've gotten stronger and I feel it! Every time the muscles are damaged by the rowing, they recover stronger and stronger.

So start exercising your life muscles. Step outside of your comfort zone. Sneeze your way through a cold, go hungry for a few minutes, avoid the fast junk food and take the time to make that salad and do something that you've always wanted to do in life even if the thought of it scares you! It's all worth it to experience the growth you are meant to experience and to have the life that you are supposed to lead, a life that is purposeful and fulfilled, if a little uncomfortable at times!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Rambling Update from a Tired Blogger

I'm in! I've had a heck of a time logging onto blogger! But here I am and guess what? I don't know what to say. I'm tired now, the brain feels muddy and empty(some would say that's nothing new) so I'm just going to ramble on a bit about stuff in general, thoughts that pop out and the way of things. How's that sound?

First off...Dragon Boating..I LOVE it! And we had our second race of the season and we were amazing! We clocked a 2min 22sec time in our first race qualifying us for the "A" division which means we were one of the fastest teams, #5, at the end of all the qualifying races! The best time we did was 2mins. 16 seconds in the final race and we finished 8th over all out of 32 teams. The veterans on the team say this is the fastest time they are aware of the team ever clocking in a race. All I know is that it is exhilarating! When we finished the last race I knew we had flown across that water, it was amazing! We are a good team, we worked well together and we did fantastic. I'm hooked! Oh and I no longer hurt after the practices and races now. I think I'm getting muscles in my arms and shoulders and my endurance is excellent! I can't wait to practice again tomorrow night! Paddles up!

Second. I volunteered at Vacation Bible School today. It's not really my thing but my children attend and love it and they were short a volunteer so I was in. I had a great time and hung out with 4 ten year old boys who were so full of spirit and fun! Now some would say they were misbehaving but mostly they participated and played. I think they were hilarious! Easy for me to say considering I have all girls but there was something about the little spark of mischievous fun that each had, the little pranks, their wild antics, that I found so endearing. They had me in stitches. I think I was supposed to keep them quiet..oops. I thoroughly enjoyed it and had them up and singing by the end of the day! So much fun, not a mean bone in their bodies but full of devilish antics! I`m almost sorry I`m not going back!

Third. I guess I`ll be doing some serious training at Rogers for the reporter gig. That will happen on Thursday and we are also supposed to shadow the producer starting the following week. I`m excited about that! I`m also deep into some article writing, some stuff that actually pays so you`ll notice my blog entries getting further apart. I`m committed to three or four a week in this blog no matter what. There is a greater currency in this space than the dollar bill and I`ll never leave it behind.

Finally. Hubby is away. I miss him a lot. He left last Wednesday and his new phone(don`t buy a blackberry) died the first day! So communication has been almost zero, one phone call of any substance when he popped across the border, but beyond that not a word. I hope he comes home soon.

So that`s it. Just wonderful, crazy, regular, boring life. Kids are healthy, weather is warm, fresh Ontario produce for dinner tonight, many things to be grateful for in spite of being lonely for my sweetheart. I`m tired but I`m content. I think I`ll watch a soap opera and eat dinner! Young and the Restless here I come!

And a question. I watch the Y & R. I have since I was a young girl, maybe around 10. I rarely watch television except the news and Coronation Street but that`s different. I also recently started watching Dr. Who and I LOVE it! So what is your fluff entertainment...trashy novels or silly soaps..give me the scoop. Oh and please excuse my punctuation, my question mark comes out like this É. Wierd uhÉ

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sunday Sonnet


A story for each moment, for each self
broken lips that tremble truth's chagrin
harsh and most triumphant bitter tales
sweetened by the sugar of the win

Pink blossoms touch the depthless dancing waters
battles waged, engaging all life's healing
tossed from hands of mothers, wives and daughters
dotted tears of petalled perfect feeling

Will of steel melds with the dappled liquid
winners of the race for place in essence
coursing down the cheeks of heroes tested
teardrops cleanse the bitter reminescence

Melancholy conquered once more by the glorious
spirits of those ones declared victorious!

I watched a very moving ceremony at the races I attended today. Many of the racers were breast cancer survivors and their spirit, their strenth, their optimism, and the miracle that is the survivor touched my heart. As part of the ceremonty they guided their boats, teams of twenty paddlers and connected them together. Then they held pink carnations aloft as beautiful music played for them. The bystanders on the shore stood in awed and emotional silences as tears flowed freely, a mark of support and awe for the spirit and will for survival possessed by them. Then these remarkable women, who had travelled from all over, from Wisconsin, Nova Scotia and yes, even, as far away as Newfoundland tossed the pink carnations in the water wihere they floated as sweet reminders of those whose physical presence was missed but whose spirits remain nearby!

And may I add, I'm particularly proud of the Avalon Dragons who won two races and will be bringing some cool hardware back with them!!! This sonnet is for you!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Friday, August 14, 2009

When We Know Better We Still Eff Up!

Anybody notice that? Yeah, we've all heard "When we know better we do better" but it's not entirely true! You make a mistake or do something you regret and you think "I knew better". I do it all the time! And I don't think I'm the only one!

Let's take a small examples. I stayed up very late a couple of nights ago. I could have slept, I was tired for sure, I knew I had to get up early and I knew I'd be tired the next day. But something here online was so fascinating I got completely sucked in. I knew better. I still did it. And I was extremely tired the next day. I used up all my energy trying to prevent myself from taking it out on those around me. Fortunately they are understanding and I caught up on my sleep the next day!

All of the wisdom of the world resides in us. We know better. We know the things that work in our lives and the things that don't yet somehow we still do those things that lead us away from our purpose, our happiness, our contentment.

Why do we do those things? Well we could just say we're human, which we are, and we make mistakes, but that is often just an excuse. Accepting your humanity is one thing, using it as an excuse that holds you back from fulfilling your purpose and being who you are meant to be is an entirely erroneous exercise in futility and something entirely different. You get to use being human as a reason not to beat yourself up, but not as an excuse for making the same mistakes over and over again!

I've known people who have spent a large part of their lives(and a great deal of money) in cognitive therapy, have come to a deep understanding of their issues and problems and still repeat the same mistakes over and over. And I wonder why. Why can't they let go? Why can't they move on? Why do they seem stuck in patterns that defeat them and are counterproductive to their happiness?

Recently I read a book called The Biology of Belief by Bruce H. Lipton. I think it gives a very scientific and solid explanation for this type of behaviour.

In the book, Dr. Lipton explains about the subconscious messages that are in our brain. He explains that 95-98% of our actions are ruled by our subconscious mind. This is scientific fact. Most of these messages are introduced into your mind during your childhood. So, let's say, for example, if you were told to clean your plate, rewarded with food for good behaviour, comforted with food during sad times, been exposed in great detail to "skinny is beautiful" mentality then it would mean that all of those messages are within your subconscious.

Since you are only using your "conscious" mind 2-5% of the time then thinking conscious thoughts about what you should eat to be healthy is completely overwhelmed most of the time by the subconscious messages that rule your life. And cognitive therapy deals with the conscious mind only. So yeah, you did all the therapy, you discovered your mother gave you ice cream all day long when you were sick/hurt/sad and that's the reason you overeat, but the messages are still embedded in your mind. Now you are aware of them but you've not impacted the part of the brain that actually lives most of your life!

What to do? How do we fix this? Is there hope? Yes. There are ways to reprogram the subconscious mind. There is hypnosis, energy modalities like EFT, meditation, all sorts of therapies that impact the subconscious mind.

This doesn't mean that we should drop our cognitive therapy sessions right away, because knowing better sometimes does help us use more of our conscious mind effectively and we do make many decision with our conscious mind. It's just helpful to be aware of how the mind works.

And once you know that the subconscious mind rules most of your decisions you don't get to use that as an excuse either! Oh no you don't! Now you know better so it's time to do something about it. Your subconscious mind that is telling you the message that is holding you back is YOURS and you do NOT have to listen to it. It can be reprogrammed and it you can do better!

It just doesn't work quite the way we've been told. I highly recommend the book in either audio or standard form. It's a good, easy read and it rings incredibly true.

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Rainbows and Storks!

Happiness is found in love and love is all around today! It seems that lately a lot of people around me have been having bad news, difficult times and challenges so it is absolutely refreshing to wake up to news that is happy and joyful!

Today my cousin Lori and her husband George gave birth to their first child, a boy named William! He's about a month early I'm told but mommy and baby are doing well! This is the first grandchild for my dear Aunt Christine and Uncle Tom and I'm pretty sure they are very excited with this addition to their family! What is more joyful than the birth of a child? I remember the day my oldest was born, I spent a great deal of time just staring at this beautiful miracle that I made, it's likely the moment of my life that I felt closest the divine source, my greatest creation, my greatest moments of joy have always been those moments immediately following the birth of my children. Nothing compares in life to the miracle of birth and life. Congratulations and welcome to the family! I don't believe it's possible for a child to have born into a better family than our big, loud, loving clan!

I also heard the news that my niece and nephew's uncle Bernard got engaged to be married! I don't know Bernard well, his sister was partnered with my brother so we are connected that way. The reason I celebrate this news is because of the response that others are giving to the happy couple. See his fiance's name is Geoff! When I think of how far this country has come that this couple can not only openly become a couple but can now get married, it makes me proud. It also makes me optimistic that the human race can get past its own silly hangups and celebrate the love of two individuals no matter what their orientation is!

So it's a day of rainbows and storks, a day of love and joy. And to celebrate here is a sonnet I wrote for my own sweetheart a couple of days ago!

Enduring sweet passion, our legacy
two hearts both steadfast and steady
appearing with ease in our history
at the moment our souls were most ready

Time made us friends in antiquity
love made us lovers for life
souls connected in infinity
partners in ease and in strife

Our hands fastened together with care
Our heart strings mimic the gesture
Sweet gift we've been given so rare
intermingled with intimate pleasure

Our love the ultimate dichotomy
sustains our lives in heated tranquility

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Monday, August 10, 2009

What is your calling card?

Back in the olden days a calling card was left behind if someone dropped by to visit and you weren't there or were otherwise engaged. It gave your name, title and address. There were complicated rules back in those days and when you didn't have time or really didn't want to visit you would just pick a time when you knew the person was out and drop a card. That way you had done your duty for society without having to actually visit someone. The card itself basically identified you to the homeowner. And often there would be a little dish of the host's cards and the visitor would take one from there for himself.
It was a delightful little ritual and I assume our modern day business card evolved from that.

I was listening to a call in radio show on Hay House Radio a few days ago. The lady had called in and said she was having trouble putting her life in order, she had had a terrible thing happen early in her life and this seemed to be a determining factor in all of her decisions. It had impacted her decisions and played with her opinions of herself to the point that she was stuck in her thinking, all if it revolving around that one incident, not getting past it and now, realising she'd wasted all of her life using that as her excuse for not doing things, so, on top of the event itself, she was now feeling guilty that she'd wasted her time and given her power away in that way.

The host said "you have a calling card".

What exactly is a calling card in this context? My understanding is "it's the excuse you use for your behaviour". I'm going to give you an example that springs immediately to mind.

About 20 years ago I met a woman in her early thirties. Within five minutes of meeting her she told me how she had been brutally raped in the park at 16. This was her calling card. She had very odd and erratic behaviour beyond that. It is very hard to explain but she generally jeopardized her relationships by having affairs and doing things that most ordinary men wouldn't be able to tolerate. She, time after time, destroyed her own security with alcohol, drugs and sex. And she wanted to change. She wanted to grow. She cried to me that she was horrible. But she'd been raped when she was 16 and had not ever moved past, gotten over it, and as such given her own power over to a violent stranger at 16. I've lost touch with her over the years, I hope she is well. At that point though, she'd been carrying that card with her for almost 20 years.

And the thing about a calling card like this is that it is insensitive of me to judge her for her behaviour, after all, I hadn't been violently raped at 16 in a dark park. Who knows how I would have responded to such an event? It would be insensitive of me to point this out to her and say "Hey get over it" because I have no understanding of her life. So people with such calling cards often repeat over and over their patterns, offering up their sad stories as calling cards, offering them as reasons for their lack of control in their lives and then, blaming the event in their past for the chaos.

We all have them. We all have calling cards of some sort, the print on some more difficult to read. Sometimes we don't offer up the calling card, we hold it inside of us, reading it ourselves, but we're still using it.

The advice that was given to the woman on the radio who had this terrible event happen to her, was to never speak of it again. At first I was taken aback but then he went on to further explain that she must stop using it(she knew that) and then she must get over the guilt of ever having used it in the past(because that was how her psyche protected itself for years) and move beyond it. By the end of the call you could hear relief in the woman's voice and she broke down in sobs. When the host asked her why, she said she felt free of it finally.

This isn't about minimizing the terrible things that happen to wonderful people. It's about taking back your personal power from whatever event or whoever took it from you. About not allowing those events to block you from living a completely fulfilling life. It's about moving forward and being free! Putting the past in its place and taking the lessons from the past only, but leaving behind the event itself.

Do you have a calling card? Think hard. I believe we all have one or several. The examples above are extreme. Some common ones are "My family has always been...", "I'm.....(insert negative aspect here)", "I can't...", "I've never been able t...", "I was never good at....", "ever since this happened I've been....", "ever since this happened I haven't been able to...", and on and on and on.

What is your calling card? Is it time to lay it face down on a table and walk away? If it's impacting your life and preventing you from moving forward into the place you want to be, lay it down, never use it again. All life is a choice, all cards the luck of the draw, they are not your fault, you didn't choose that card so you are not responsible for carrying it with you wherever you go anymore. Toss it away! Pick up a new calling card if you have to!

Mine says "I am Breeze, I can do anything and nothing can stop me!" There are an infinite number of copies of it! Take one from the dish, insert your name and start using it today!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Sunday Sonnet

Achievement's Downfall

Eyes closed but I'm awake; lucidity
rarely exits subconscious meditation
silence bills the expert called divinity
the bounty for the cost of all creation

Images play in random arcs and bows
aimless gifts of earthly memories stored
matter grey releases all it knows
and silence fills the chasm that was bored

Eyes opened but I'm asleep; enlightenment
accords the seated swain a chance to glimpse
the absence of the darkest soul's unsettlement
abandoning the pranksters and the imps

Paradoxical disquietude is defunct
silence evades even the saffron monk

Posted early because I won't be around tomorrow! Here is the Sunday Sonnet!
To be a part of the Sunday Sonnets go to A-Muse-in-Me for next Sunday's opening line!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Shameless Self-Promotion

I recently became a guest blogger on API Speaks, the blog portion of the Attachment Parenting International website. I posted my first article last week! I'm very proud of it and it is getting some nice reviews!

I'll be doing two articles a month and my second August one is almost complete. If you have a moment, take a peek, at the article entitled Conversation as a Discipline Technique!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Go Me! Check this out!

Sometimes there are pleasant surprises from the most unexpected sources. Today I opened my email to find exactly that!

Your old buddy Breeze was honoured with an invitation to add her other blog to Wellsphere

I have had my health/wellness blog for a while now, writing about my thoughts on weight, weight loss and the weight loss industry and other related topics. In fact, it's not the first time it has garnered some attention. A few weeks ago the CEO of Spark People commented on that blog after I wrote a review post about the site and how much I loved it, thanking me for my kind words. Now this. I will admit it was a bit thrilling to once again have some unsolicited recognition. I accept both as compliments and I am grateful!

Follow this LINK to read more about this latest development!

PS..I have a nice little badge on my sidebar now..I need this picture smaller, anyone know how to re size it?

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Destiny's Carnival

We do not know our destiny except that eventually we will leave this plane and move on from here. I've been thinking alot in the last few days, it's been eventful, lots of ups and downs, sorrows and joys that have made it a time for reflection and bewilderment and then awe and joy.

A man I went to school with passed away this week. He would have turned 43 in the fall. He hadn't ever married or had a family however he had loving parents and two sisters who will miss him a great deal. It was a shock and really brought home to me how frail life truly is and how precious. This is a man who started kindergarten with me. You really are dumped on the doorstep of the reality of your own eventual homecoming when someone your age passes away.

The following day I recieved word that a long-time friend and acquaintance who had battled cancer bravely for the past 7 years had passed away. She had beaten the odds having been told early on that she wouldn't likely live that long but she lived long enough to spend more time with her children, a gift I'm sure they and her greatly appreciate. I knew her death was coming yet somehow, it was still a shock. I think of her family, her children are not yet grown and live with their father. And I think of him who supported her. I hope they find peace.

This is the anniversary of the day I lost a dear friend of mine as well. He was the brother of one of my closest friends and I'd met him through her. I can't explain Brian, he was a special, one of a kind person. We were good friends. Only good friends. But we had this odd connection, from the start. He was married, I was seeing someone who I later married. It wasn't that. It was friendship. He told me often how much he loved his wife, how much he adored his children. I also loved his daughters and his wife. They were all wonderful.

The last time I saw Brian he was visiting his sister and we were all attending a Stag and Doe for his other sister who was to be married a few weeks later. We were all at my friend's home and as we were having had a few drinks I took a taxi home later that night. I picked up my car the next day only to find that Brian and his brother in law had parked it up on his lawn, put a for sale sign on it and left it there.

The two of them cracked up laughing as I came into the driveway shaking my head and cursing at them. But the prank doesn't end there. Oh no, those guys had something else going on.

The following Monday I went to work as usual, leaving my car parked in the parking lot. After 8 hours I got in to drive home only to be hit by the most foul smell ever. I put the windows down to no avail. The stench was so unbearable I eventually pulled over and started to look for the source. Under the driver seat, in a little plastic freezer bag, was an opened bag of trout. Yes. Fish. Stinky, rotting, fish!They had put it in frozen and in its perfect timing it had thawed and then proceeded to rot under my front seat! I knew immediately it was Brian! Son of a ....! I couldn't help laughing though...he got me good!

Brian passed away in his sleep 7 years ago yesterday. He was 41. I will never forget the last words he said to me. They were "I love you" in a sweet, friendly way. I've often thought that those were the ultimate last words and that we should all say them frequently to those we love..just in case. I think of his wife, his two daughters and two grandchildren often.

And in all this passing from life, in our family, there was good news. My wonderful Aunt who was diagnosed with cancer back in May had her first scan after her first three chemotherapy treatments and it is very promising. All of the cancer that was visible on her liver, lungs and lymph nodes is no longer visible. This is a remarkable thing. Her health care team is now considering next steps to ensure they eradicate it 100% and give her the miracle she needs! We're moving forward as though it's imminent!

So ups and downs, the roller coaster of life takes us up the hills and through the valleys, plateaus and then back up again, rattling along on a rickity and well worn track. Trying to stay on, trying not to scream, closing our eyes for the really scary parts and then laughing with joy as we come to a screeching halt eventually. It's a bumpy ride but make it one you'd line up for again! Because you don't get to do it over, it's a one shot deal at this Carnival called life!

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Row boat

Enveloped within green heaven's leaves
floating adrift on the silent river
embraced by layers of coconut clouds
bluest sky that reaches forever

Above the water, an invisible current
convey the refrain of the people ashore
tacitly feathers float gently on water
released from the swans who swam here before

Peace descends and encompasses all
cloaking it in a love-skinned coat
as the river embraces and warms the island
and kisses the gunnels of the little row boat

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Sunday Sonnet

April at A Muse in Me gave me the opening line for this sonnet. Visit her here for an example of her brilliant poetry!

Torpidity, my lassitude's mourner
despairs and stares in disbelief
retreats to a distant cerebral corner
overcome with cranial grief

Depressive incomprehensible anguish
ego-driven false despair
hesitant to ever relinquish
the right to melancholy care

lassitude returns the victor
in the battle quietly waged
lassitude, torpidity's heckler
motivation the compass gauge

Lassitude empowered to nourish
propagates the quintessence flourish

Breeze Talks About Weight Loss