Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Low Soul Sugar~Need Food!
The house I grew up in...it feeds my soul to look at this picture!
Life is chaotic. It's complicated and it's messy. I've worked out a routine that serves me well, I take time for myself, I sneak moments of solitary, a video for a small child, a day of quiet gets me through a day of noise, predictable noise. This is how I spend most of my days and it works well for all of us.
In spending time getting to know myself I have learned that in order to function well, in order to remain calm and in touch with the joy inside me I need meditation and quiet time. I need solitude to recharge. I need to write, I need walks in nature, I need those moments alone with myself in order to be able to serve others, particularly my children.
If I allow the chaos to rule then it seeps into me allowing my ego to take over and move me away from my centre. If I take the time for me I am far better able to serve others including my children and the other people in my life.
And then life happens. Easter weekend, no school, husband leaves and inlaws arrive for a two week visit. Yes, things get busy. I get intruded upon. The children are overwhelmed with excitement and change and it shows in their behaviour. They get up too early, robbing me of my morning meditation, they go to sleep too late robbing me of my nighttime writing outlet. They cling to me more, take more from me, only mom can do what they need although there are many other adults around willing to serve. I get overwhelmed with the amount of noise with no break, day after day, living in the din of voices and barking and power tools with no place to go for silence. A room with a closed door is subject to knocking and screaming, I feel trapped and I feel my inner self aching to be free, to be alone, to have some silence and some peace.
I think the reason mothers find it so difficult to maintain their equilibrium is because the place that should be your haven, your soft place to lay, the place that you call home is everybody else's, because you've made it so, but there is nowhere in this place called home for us to be alone, to be at peace. I know when I get to the place where even my favourite music irritates me because it's further noise, I'm close to the breaking point.
Home should be the place to escape to but for many mothers it's a place to escape from and that is where the problem lies. There needs to be a haven, a resting place, a place to recoup the sense of peace that gets buried underneath the stress of life. And it needs to be in the home. A mother shouldn't need to escape, a mother should have a space too, a sacred space, free from children to do the things that feed her soul. Yet children need to be attended to, supervised and striking a balance is difficult and sometimes nearly impossible.
I've spoken about letting go of excuses for not doing what you need to do but sometimes there are actual real reasons and needy children are a fact of life, one you cannot escape. Yes they will grow, yes things will get easier and there is a light but right now, this very moment, I feel stress and the need for solitude and it evades me.
I'm making it my intention to find a place for myself today. To find some peace and quiet, to write, to think, to simply be. It's as vital to my health as food and water, for just like the body, the soul must be fed. My soul sugar is low and I'm going to infuse myself with the sweetness of nature and live some of my life in silence. A shower and a meditation as a little girl watches a movie. It will do both of us a world of good. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself and I'm about to get me some!