Tuesday, March 31, 2009

That's When the Fight Started!


It was a horrible day full of conflict and hurtful words. I thought I'd share some of it with you.

Actually, I'm just April Foolin' Around! My husband and I had a great laugh at this today. It was an email his buddy forwarded to him. I haven't had much time to write so I thought I'd just share a chuckle with you all instead!

Enjoy.

PS. Just realised this is my 100th post...I only started the end of January..not bad!
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'......

And that's how the fight started.....

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One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

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My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the tv?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. ' I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

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I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started.....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started.....


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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started.....

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....

Happy April Fools Day

8 comments:

Audrey said...

LOL! What fun these were. And on the exact day that I needed a good laugh! Thanks Breeze.
xoxoxo

April said...

Wow, your 100th post! Since January? Wow. Great laughs, thank you.

nanobri said...

Heh, these were pretty good. Sounds like a pretty snarky couple. I wish I could be that clever sometimes. :-p

Cheers,
nanobri of nanobri.blogspot.com

nollyposh said...

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.... and that's when the fights start! X:-p!

Daria said...

I think I like the 0 to 200 joke the best but they are all really funny.

April Fool's kind of sneaked past me ... what a great idea to post some jokes. I think we should do that more often ... it put a smile on my face.

Double-Dolphin said...

ROFL!!! Good one Breeze...little unusual for you, but still good...

Breeze said...

Humour is one of the greatest gifts we have as human beings. I love silliness and laughter. It likely doesn't come through here so much, this is probably the only place I'm all that serious!

Breeze

Lisa said...

beautiful- so funny- especially about the dropped pants and disability !!

congrats dear girl on 100 posts- it doesnt take long does it ?